The Dad Joke Thread

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What do you call a can opener that has stopped working?

a CANT opener!!!
 
what do you call an alligator in a vest?

an investigator!!!!
 
Why do ducks have tail feathers?

To cover their butt quack!!
 
Where do cows go for entertainment?

To the moooo-vies!
 
Why don't Bruce Banner's pants tear when he changes in to The Hulk?

Because the gamma radiation altered his jeans!
 
The Dalai Lama is at Pizza Hut.

Waiter-‘What can I get you sir?’

DL- ‘Just make me one with everything’
 
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So a male fly notices a rather attractive female fly lounging on a pile of cow manure.
The male fly swoops down next to her and says, "Excuse me love, but is this stool taken?"
☺️
 
I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day.

It's....soda pressing
 
I saw a small ad: “Hairpiece $5”.
I thought, “That’s a small price toupee”.
 
Why wasn't Shrek excited about his date?

She was mediogre
 
When I was younger I had a girlfriend who was cockeyed. We eventually broke up because we never saw eye to eye.

I also think she was seeing someone on the side.
 
Did you know mortal Kombat is based off an old Scandinavian song?

It's a Finnish hymn.
 
A friend on social media said that her family just ate some delicious synonym buns. I replied, "You mean the ones like grammar used to make". A couple of minutes later, I was blocked.
 
Say what you want about deaf people....
 
What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the car?

Robin, get in the car.
 
I got fired from my job as a cashier for being too slow.

I'm not sure how to feel about it. It's taking a while to register
 
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