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The Dad Joke Thread

Happy hour starts in 5 minutes
I've heard it's easy to get ladies to not eat Tide pods. But, it's hard to deter gents.
 
Mike you are owning this thread bro 🤣
 
Husband: I want you to have this bracelet. It belonged to my grandmother.

Wife: Why does it say "Do Not Resuscitate"?
 
How much does it cost a pirate to have an ear pierced?

A buccaneer.
 
I have some great news. It looks like my loan will be approved in the morning. Later in the week, I should be closing on that tank of gas.
 
I went to the doctor today and he told me I had to stop masturbating.
When I asked why, he said because I'm trying to examine you.


Why are there no pregnant Barbie dolls?
Because Ken came in a different box.


What is Beethoven doing in his grave?
De-composing.
 
If you build a man a fire, you'll keep him warm for a couple of hours. If you set him on fire, you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life.

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not. I just keep going back and forth on them.

I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know...
 
I asked Siri why am I so bad with women, she replied, this is Alexa dumbass

I got an email on how to read maps backwards, turns out it was spam
 
A recent law passed in Hawaii makes it illegal to laugh loudly.

You have to keep it to a low ha.
 
I visited my doctor today, he told me that I'm going deaf.

That was difficult to hear.
 
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As we enjoy today's conversations, let's remember our dear friends 'Docsandy', Sandy Zier-Teitler, and 'Posse Lover', Michael Huffman, who would dearly love to be here with us today! We love and miss you guys ❤

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