The Dad Joke Thread

[MikefromOH]

What do you call a can opener that has stopped working?

a CANT opener!!!

 

[MikefromOH]

what do you call an alligator in a vest?

an investigator!!!!

 

[MikefromOH]

Why do ducks have tail feathers?

To cover their butt quack!!

 

[MikefromOH]

Where do cows go for entertainment?

To the moooo-vies!

 

[MikefromOH]

Why don't Bruce Banner's pants tear when he changes in to The Hulk?

Because the gamma radiation altered his jeans!

 

[Boone]

The Dalai Lama is at Pizza Hut.

Waiter-‘What can I get you sir?’

DL- ‘Just make me one with everything’

 

[Boone]

 

[MikefromOH]

So a male fly notices a rather attractive female fly lounging on a pile of cow manure.
The male fly swoops down next to her and says, "Excuse me love, but is this stool taken?"

 

[Boone]

 

[MikefromOH]

I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day.

It's....soda pressing

 

[MikefromOH]

I saw a small ad: “Hairpiece $5”.
I thought, “That’s a small price toupee”.

 

[MikefromOH]

Why wasn't Shrek excited about his date?

She was mediogre

 

[SkinsOrlando]

What do you call a pirate dinosaur - A pegalegasaurus

 

[MikefromOH]

When I was younger I had a girlfriend who was cockeyed. We eventually broke up because we never saw eye to eye.

I also think she was seeing someone on the side.

 

[MikefromOH]

Did you know mortal Kombat is based off an old Scandinavian song?

It's a Finnish hymn.

 

[Burgundy Burner]

 

[Burgundy Burner]

A friend on social media said that her family just ate some delicious synonym buns. I replied, "You mean the ones like grammar used to make". A couple of minutes later, I was blocked.

 

[MikefromOH]

Say what you want about deaf people....

 

[MikefromOH]

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the car?

Robin, get in the car.

 

[MikefromOH]

I got fired from my job as a cashier for being too slow.

I'm not sure how to feel about it. It's taking a while to register