The Dad Joke Thread

[Beetlejuice]

Why did the Mexican take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks.

 

[Beetlejuice]

Why should you never fart in an Apple store? They don't have Windows.

 

[Beetlejuice]

I need to call the doctor.
Which doctor?
No, the regular kind.

 

[DudeRedskin]

+1 to this entire thread. Great stuff! Not a joke, but Dad related; whenever I used to, uh, do something more or less bone-headed, Pops would always look at me in that particular way, shake his head, then mutter, "size 50 coat, size 3 hat." Man I wish I could hear that just one more time. Cheers.

 

[MikefromOH]

what do you call a fear of giants?

Fi Fy fo-bia

 

[riggins44]

What did one burp say to the other burp? Let's sneak out the back and be little stinkers. (my granddaughter told me that one one).

Some more wisdom from my granddaughter. "It's not a fart if you don't hear or see it!"

 

[Chris]

What happens to a frog that double-parks?

He gets toad.

 

[MikefromOH]

what is a giraffes favorite fruit?

Neck-tarine

 

[MikefromOH]

What kind of jokes do the CDC recommend right now?






Inside jokes..

 

[Boone]

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey. But then I turned myself around.

 

[riggins44]

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

 

[riggins44]

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent.

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs

 

[riggins44]

did you know cow farts come from the dairy air

 

[Win4us]

 

[Boone]

No one names their kid Lance anymore. But in medieval times, people were named Lance a lot.

 

[SkinsOrlando]

If two vegans are arguing is it still considered beefing??

 

[Win4us]

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent

 

[MikefromOH]

why is Santa afraid of chimneys?

Because hes CLAUStrophobic!

 

[SkinsOrlando]

What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing they fast

 

[Boone]

Why does the Norwegian Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships? So they can Scandinavian!