The Dad Joke Thread

[Boone]

Nothing is more important and impactful in life than a really solid Dad joke. Let them rain people.

Our kids are counting on us.

 

[Boone]

I used to date a tennis player. But love meant nothing to her. #DadJokes4Ever

 

[MikefromOH]

A Mexican magician says he can disappear on the count of three.

Uno...Dos...POOF, he disappeard.

Without a tres

 

[Boone]

That’s the spirit

 

[Om]

Dude was cranking out Dad jokes but turned out not to have any kids. What a faux pa.

 

[Beetlejuice]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went out, had a few drinks, nice guy. He's a web designer.

 

[Beetlejuice]

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 18 brothers and sister and they don't know either.

 

[Beetlejuice]

I was wondering why a frisbee appears larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.

 

[Beetlejuice]

I'm reading a Stephen King book in braille. Something terrible is about to happen, I can feel it.

 

[DieselPwr44]

How to catch a polar bear with a can of peas ?
Cut a hole in the ice.
Open can of peas and sprinkle them around the hole.
Go hide where you can still see and wait.
When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

 

[Beetlejuice]

People are usually shocked when they find out I'm a terrible electrician.

 

[Beetlejuice]

Yesterday I was washing the car with my son. He said, "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

 

[Beetlejuice]

If I ever have twin daughters, I'm gonna name one Kate, and the other Duplikate.

 

[Beetlejuice]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

 

[MikefromOH]

A Mexican woman had twin babies; Amal and Juan. Whenever she was asked to see pictures she would only show them pictures of Juan. When she was asked why she only had pictures of one of her kids, she replied "If you've seen Juan pic, you've seen Amal"

 

[Beetlejuice]

Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag?
Dad: No thanks, you can leave it in the carton.

 

[Beetlejuice]

My kids: Dad, make me a sandwich.
Me: Poof, you're a sandwich.

I'm almost ashamed to admit I've actually used this one. As well as pointing at a cemetery when we drive by and saying people are dying to get in there. Oh yeah, I am the stereotypical dad joke dad lol.

 

[Beetlejuice]

I had a dream I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted.

 

[Beetlejuice]

How can you tell a toad from a horny toad? A toad says ribbit ribbit. A horny toad says rub it, rub it.

 

[MisterPinstripe]

Wow you are really bright.
.
.
That's why my dad called me sun.