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What an "employment ad" for the Redskins might look like

One of many experimental iterations ...

Fear The Spear

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Washington Redskins hiring for following positions :

Safety, Offensive Lineman, Kick Returner.

Medical History not important. We do not perform any medical background checks whatsoever. And even if you have medical issues, we will give you at least 2 constant years of "paid sick time" to get through your medical issue, before asking you to even be able to practice with the team. We also do not expect you to take care of your own physical health or maintain any type of healthy regimen.

Criminal History and character not important. We do not perform any background checks whatsoever, and do not even check your personal or business references. Former felon convicts, DUI/DWI arrests, are all welcome and encouraged to apply.

Banned substances and drug addictions are not important. We do not perform any type of "drug testing" whatsoever. So you say you have, and still do, and still plan to use banned substances, illegal drugs, marijuana, performance-enhancing drugs ? Not a problem ! You are still welcome to apply. Even if you plan to be a repeat offender of those offenses, come on in, and fill out an application !!

Professional experience not required. If you have never played a down of professional football during the regular season, we will still seriously consider you for a starting position. Since professional experience is not required, there is also no need to bother sending us those irritating resumes. Just walk on in !! If you're too injured to walk in, then hobble or crawl or limp into our tryout facility !

Intelligence, common sense, and football smarts not important. We do not perform any type of exam to test your IQ or any other mental capacity.

Similarly, psychological state not important. Mentally unstable ? Do you have a habit of boneheaded penalties like throwing a ball at another player you don't like after a play, or pulling your helmet off and cussing at referees when you disagree with them ? Hey, not a problem ! Don't be so hard on yourself. Come right on in.

Now that we've discussed what is not needed, in order to be considered by our program, let's now discuss what IS actually required. Well if you read and understand that last sentence, then you're clearly astute and talented enough for our franchise !! Allrighty then !! You're hired !!
 

Dead Money

, Mike Wise HATE'r
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I wish this was true... the reality of the situation is that they think they are doing a good job of evaluations and are probably just chalking it up to bad luck. Winning right now is the worst thing for us long term. Ouch, that hurt to say.
 

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