Took a few days off to calm down and form a coherent thought. Figured it wouldn’t benefit anyone for me to just have a meltdown and scream “F All Men!” That is not the message I ever want to convey. I appreciate men and am surrounded by a lot of great men in my life who respect boundaries and respect women. Not just because it could be their mom or sister or daughter, but because it is the morally right thing to do: to honor and respect other humans. And I respect many of my male friends I’ve met in this forum, other fan forums and just as being a Redskins fan and sharing a passion for a storied football team.
I don’t even know what I want really want to say or get across, but here goes. I guess why this story hurt so much is that I suppose I’m an optimist. I’ve been surrounded by strong women my whole life and have seen the gains women have made in our American society over the last several decades. I choose to look at life as an evolving process and always trying to make a step forward in the betterment of ourselves.
This story brought me back to harsh reality though, that in 2020 we are still dealing with this toxic mindset, and will be dealing with this for a long time to come. I don’t feel the need to go into my personal story here (that’s for my women’s support group
), but needless to say, this is unfortunately something females (and yes I know it’s not just females, I understand both genders can be harassed) have to deal with on a more often than not basis in our society and the workforce, especially females who are in leadership or power positions or fields of work that may typically be male dominated.
I’ve read multiple responses to this story saying it isn’t what is what “hyped up to be.” It wasn’t of “biblical” proportions. This makes me sad because this is the exact mindset that allows this behavior to continue in our society: “It’s not THAT bad.” “She was JUST told to wear heels.” “She was JUST asked if she was attracted to him.” Do you understand that is belittling and objectifying a human being? Would you like that to be done to you, or can you imagine it? Do you understand what constant stress does to the human body? When we are always on edge, always stressed, our cortisol levels are consistently increased? This type of behavior, when encountered in multiple settings, not just work, is degrading and kills self esteem. Can you imagine working your ass off to get a degree in a field you’re passionate about, but one that happens to be male-dominated and continually made to feel like you don’t live up to the men you work with? That the assets you bring to the team are not your intelligence or your responsibility or good judgment, but superficial, physical attributes? When your work is dwindled down to how your ass looks in a skirt and no matter what you do, you are never going to be treated with the same respect as your male counterparts? It’s extremely hurtful, impacts your perception of life and how you interact with the men in your life, at least it does for me and girlfriends I talk about these experiences with.
Anyway, this isn’t meant to be a pity me post. But moreso a post to maybe give a little perspective to the guys who think this isn’t such a big deal. This is a big deal. And by minimizing it, by saying, like, well, it’s not like they were sexually assaulted, well let me tell you: living under constant, dehumanizing stress can have major psychological impacts that affect a person and how they function in life. It can lead to health, behavioral, and addiction and self harm issues. So, if the only way you can find empathy is to think of your daughter, sister or mother, so be it. But I would encourage those of you who don’t think this is a big deal to take another look. Maybe talk to a female who has faced sexual harassment (or even sexual assault) and try to think about how that has impacted their life.
All in all, I don’t think the guys minimizing this story are bad guys. I just think maybe widening your perspective to other people’s feelings outside your own may change the way you see things and perhaps interact with the females in your life.