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- Apr 1, 2011
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- Virginia Beach, VA
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You may or may not agree with me that my experience a little while ago was epic. I have the unique ability that most people lack - quick thinking. I don't mean in general or all the time, but when it comes to needing a snappy comeback, or having something laid out on a silver platter waiting for a punchline, I tend to be on it immediately like nobody's business.
Just a little while ago, my wife got home with the kids and we went to get some milk. On the way home, we are sitting at the red light when some jackwad in a Lambo pulls up next to us.
Here I sit, in my 2003 Mercury Sable. I am driving, my wife is next to me, and our two kids are in the back. This idiot pulls up next to me revving his engine and inching forward like he wants to race. The whole time, he is staring me down. Seriously? What would it prove to this douchebag in a car that can outrace nearly any car on the planet, to beat my granny car?
So the light is still red, he keeps revving and staring, and starts honking to get my attention. I tell the kids to cover their ears, then I roll down the window and say, "I have a 14 inch dick." The smirk vanishes off of his face immediately, and while he is stunned, the light turns green and I burn him off the line (my car isn't the slouch it appears to be fro the outside - it has a 24 valve DOHC 6 cylinder engine with a turbocharger from the original owner). His delayed reaction is my gain, as I had roughly one block to travel
In all honesty though, you've probably guessed I don't really have a 14 inch meat wagon (I'd have to let it go limp and fold it in half for that
), but that wasn't the point. It gave him something to think about, and it gave me the hesitation I needed to embarrass him in my granny mobile . Today, I feel like a winner.
Please share your stories, I know you have em.
Just a little while ago, my wife got home with the kids and we went to get some milk. On the way home, we are sitting at the red light when some jackwad in a Lambo pulls up next to us.
Here I sit, in my 2003 Mercury Sable. I am driving, my wife is next to me, and our two kids are in the back. This idiot pulls up next to me revving his engine and inching forward like he wants to race. The whole time, he is staring me down. Seriously? What would it prove to this douchebag in a car that can outrace nearly any car on the planet, to beat my granny car?
So the light is still red, he keeps revving and staring, and starts honking to get my attention. I tell the kids to cover their ears, then I roll down the window and say, "I have a 14 inch dick." The smirk vanishes off of his face immediately, and while he is stunned, the light turns green and I burn him off the line (my car isn't the slouch it appears to be fro the outside - it has a 24 valve DOHC 6 cylinder engine with a turbocharger from the original owner). His delayed reaction is my gain, as I had roughly one block to travel
In all honesty though, you've probably guessed I don't really have a 14 inch meat wagon (I'd have to let it go limp and fold it in half for that
), but that wasn't the point. It gave him something to think about, and it gave me the hesitation I needed to embarrass him in my granny mobile . Today, I feel like a winner. Please share your stories, I know you have em.
