Anxiety Sucks!

[Boone]

My mom had some serious anxiety issues that she struggled with over the course of her life. I never gave it much thought as I grew up, navigated life, and engaged in numerous alpha male pursuits. No one who has ever known me, except perhaps for a few very close friends and family members, would ever guess it - but I definitely have some anxiety issues that I contend with. My anxiety has never been 'situational' or 'stress-related' at least on any level I could recognize. I've never felt it come on as the result of a very stressful event or during the most difficult stretches of life where stress is high. It almost always comes on almost randomly, when everything is by all assessments normal, 'fine', and uneventful.

Last night I got a little headache (and I never get headaches) and felt the first twinges of that 'dread' and sense of foreboding that I've come to recognize as anxiety. I have zero insight as to why it comes on or what might trigger it. Fortunately for me, it only occurs for me a handful of times a year. Sometimes it is just a nagging negative feeling that just hangs over me, other times it can be so intense that I have to work hard to stay calm and not have it spiral out of control. It is the strangest feeling, because even as I am having those feelings, I know rationally that there is no reason whatsoever to be feeling them, that everything is just fine, that I am incredibly fortunate in every area of my life. The brain does not care about these reassurances as I make them. It continues to send me signals that something is wrong and that I am in distress.

It has never reached a level where I've sought out medical help for it. I do not really experience any perceptible level of depression. It is anxiety, plain and simple. Mostly, I have learned to distract myself, engage in activities to keep my mind busy and focused on something other than 'that feeling'. Sometimes I'll try and sleep it off in the hopes that when I wake up I'll feel back to my normal self. Or I'll try and get outside in the sun, make sure I am well hydrated and eating well, etc... On rare occasions, those things don't work and I just have to ride out a crappy day of feeling terrible.

I'll confess that as a younger male, I used to look sideways at folks with mental health challenges. I didn't really understand that how people feel on a daily basis is about as far from a 'choice' as it could possibly be. Having experienced maybe the most minor version of anxiety, I have nothing but pure empathy for others who may experience it once in awhile, and pure pity for those that struggle with it frequently or in it's most severe forms.

I have never really discussed with anyone other than my wife, but for whatever reason, talking about it this morning makes me feel better. So I'm talking about it.

 

[SkinsOrlando]

I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder in 2009, it got to the point where I would be randomly driving and just go in full panic mode and pull over and it eventually got so bad I didn't even want to drive. I never had issues like that even remotely before in my life up until that point, even my doctor could not figure out what was triggering it. For 2 years I was lowly medicated just to mellow me out to help ensure that would not happen and eventually was weened off of it and then spent time learning breathing exercises and mental exercises that help move the mind out of whatever situation it is in. I still get it randomly sometimes, usually in situations that don't warrant that type of reaction, I like you for many years never understood mental health, hell I used to think only freaking loony loons had to be medicated. The human mind is a quirky thing, one that we only a slight understanding, there is no shame in it, I actually discuss this with my staff and the importance of mental health and am open about my own issues. It's good for people to know, at least those that find it relevant as my ladies eldest nephew was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder two years ago so my own struggles and experience and have been a wealth of help for him.

 

[Boone]

I'm glad you got some help and that you are able to manage it better. The whole term 'mental health' is sort of a misnomer, since we all have brains and brain chemistries that, just like all of our other organs and systems, have varying degrees of health and effective function over the course of our lives. But we talk about 'mental health' as if there are just 'normal' people, and people with 'issues'. It's eye-opening when one experiences a challenge. I have had a couple of bouts of pretty severe public speaking anxiety, which really freaked me out because I have never feared (at least consciously) speaking to people and am quite good at it. I don't have to do a lot of it in my current employment situation, but if/when I do, I just take a beta blocker that keeps my heartrate low and have no real problem getting through it.

 

[MikefromOH]

when i was in my early 30s I used to think I wasn't meant to be alive. I thought I was a horrible person and nobody would love me. No matter how many people DID and expressed they did, I couldn't hear it. I lived alone so that didn't help me much, either.

I would fall asleep crying for God to kill me in my sleep, and then curse him when I woke up the next morning.

I heard voices in my head telling me I wasn't good enough, that people hated me. Scenarios would pop in my head that were not real and just really made feel weird.

Doctors would hear my childhood story and immediately want to put me on meds. I didn't want meds; i wanted to understand it and deal with it.

Flash forward a decade, a marriage, and 2 kids and I was feeling better. I am in a much better place than i was before, but I still have those moments. the voice, the headache, the sudden noise of a kid that makes me jump and snap.

I can't believe I am saying this, but I read this book and it truly helped:

Amazon product ASIN 1572245379
I also take a CBD gummy as needed. Not daily, but when the noises are too loud or I feel myself getting to a bad place..it just seems to slow it all down and calms me.

 

[MikefromOH]

but, dont let ANYONE make you think you are alone or weird for your situation. You aren't. not even a bit.

 

[Knightingale]

Oh Boone, you are NOT alone in this at all.

I got thrown into a tailspin almost 20 years ago when I went through a NASTY divorce. After that, in sequence, I lost my grandmother, I lost my job, my first bout of kidney stones, and blew my ACL over the next few years. Sometimes it felt like the hits just kept coming. I struggled for about four or five years, until finally I broke. I had a meltdown at work. I was in a new job that I hated, and just couldn't cope with the feelings of dread in the pit of my stomach every single day. Full on break down.

A friend got me to see the doctor and counselling, and I was diagnosed with depression with underlying anxiety. For a while I took medication to balance my equilibrium.

I'm okay now, but still have my moments. It absolutely doesn't help that I've decided to pursue writing, which leads to all kinds of 'imposter syndrome' feelings. LOL

 

[Boone]

I'm good guys. It's a very intermittent thing that never lasts more than a day or so - for which I am thankful! I hate that any of you have suffered although it is heartening to know it's more common than we probably would guess. I don't know why, as men, we struggle to talk about it. I appreciate you guys!

 

[Win4us]

Depression & anxiety run pretty rampant in my family so naturally I got it. I went almost 2 decades in the military without admitting anxiety & depression because I was worried they wouldn’t let me deploy, or boot me. Had an AF biddy explain to me the situation and I finally rolled the dice and told the dr about it.

Now I still get mini panic attacks on occasion but NOWHERE near the level before prescription meds. since admitting it to myself I’m a much more focused individual. I have another method of dealing with stress but I’d be jumping into the religion section.

I’ve had good military friends commit suicide and it scars those they left behind the worse. So since then I’ve definitely refocused on being a good listener to anyone that needs an ear. For anyone here that would ever need to vent due to horrible thoughts PLEASE pm me and I promise to listen attentively.

 

[bnacpa]

Mental health is an interesting label. The science of it is an extremely broad spectrum covering chemical imbalances such as bipolar disorder and certain types of depression to behavioral disorders which stem from a combination of trauma and neglect during formative years - such as narcissism and borderline personality disorder. There is no one-size fits all. The tragedy is when someone thinks / feels they are alone, they get distraught, and they rationalize somehow they'd be better off hurting themselves or others instead of figuring out tools to navigate whats going on with them. Sadly, most people are embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it, and society treats it like that to an extent (less now than in the past, but many still have a perception and negative connotation towards it). I wish people knew how common this was so that they wouldn't feel so alone and may feel more "normal" about getting help they need. This stuff is deep - most people aren't born with skills of introspection. Many people are brought up being told to suck it up and not pay attention to feelings that could lead to tears or feeling victimized in a specific situation. That stuff doesn't just go away even if you want it to. The more tools we have to learn how to deal with things the better. Seeking help should be applauded.