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Thread: Letting go....

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    Default Letting go....

    I just don't know how. My daughter turned 18 this past January, and she's a really good kid, but I don't know how to let go. I keep telling myself that a few months from now she'll be on her own at college, and I'll be clueless on where and what she's up to. I cant seem to find a way to let myself relax even a little bit.

    She's at her senior prom tonight, and I know I should go to bed when I'm tired, and not wait up for her. She's not an idiot, nor a follower, but she's my little girl, and I'm just a mess right now.

    Two glasses of wine, and I'm normally ready for the sack. I've killed more then a liter of fine red wine tonight, and I'm wide awake. Will I ever get use to the unknown ?

    I fear little in this world, but God help me, I just don't know how to deal with this.
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    Come on Pete...it's life brother...
    I'm in the exact same situation. My daughter just turned 18, will be heading off to college in the Fall. Same deal.

    It's what is supposed to happen. You try and give your kids the benefit of the lessons you learned, hope that they absorbed the values you hold dear, and then you watch them move away from you. It's what's going to happen, it's what's supposed to happen. You can't really protect them at this point, or direct them towards good outcomes nor steer them away from potentially negative ones.

    I believe they call it being a parent.

    You just need to have some faith and trust good things are going to happen. That's what you've been telling her for 18 years. Time to listen to your own advice

    Believe me, I know this age is a challenge. But you can do it
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boone View Post
    Come on Pete...it's life brother...
    I'm in the exact same situation. My daughter just turned 18, will be heading off to college in the Fall. Same deal.

    It's what is supposed to happen. You try and give your kids the benefit of the lessons you learned, hope that they absorbed the values you hold dear, and then you watch them move away from you. It's what's going to happen, it's what's supposed to happen. You can't really protect them at this point, or direct them towards good outcomes nor steer them away from potentially negative ones.

    I believe they call it being a parent.

    You just need to have some faith and trust good things are going to happen. That's what you've been telling her for 18 years. Time to listen to your own advice

    Believe me, I know this age is a challenge. But you can do it
    I know you're right brother, and just have to have faith it how we raised her, but it's not easy. This age has far more challenges then I ever dreamed.
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    We should talk sometime. Unless you have or have had a daughter that age, you have no earthly idea how challenging it can be, right?

    I am right there with you! And wish I could apply my sage advice to my own situation...
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    I can relate to the challenges that the two of you are facing. Mine is 31 now and getting married this summer. I can recall the anguish of watching her grow up and making decisions that were mature and immature. In the end, she learned all the necessary lessons in life and it won't be long until I have a son-in-law and then...grandchildren to spoil! It will happen quicker than you can imagine.

    Trust your judgment and let them grow in their experiences. They are going to stumble and tumble - much like that first time on a bike. But your daughters will also amaze you along the way. What you are going through now is very normal. In time, you will learn to take so much more in stride because of their maturity and ability to handle the complexities of life.

    Best wishes to your daughters as they venture forth and continue to progress with bright futures.
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    My daughter is nine.

    I'm going to close this thread and never open it again.
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    My stepdaughter is about to turn 27 and have sons 19 and 17, so been through this and still doing the routine. (Also have a 29 yr old stepson)

    Some are easier to see move on than others. Regardless if you push them out or leave on their own...it's never easy.

    You do the best job you can raising them. There comes a time you have to let go and let them be the person they have become. Wanting to not let go and take care of her shows how good a parent you are.

    PS...drink a cheap bottle of wine and you will find it is easier to fall asleep.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boone View Post
    We should talk sometime. Unless you have or have had a daughter that age, you have no earthly idea how challenging it can be, right?

    I am right there with you! And wish I could apply my sage advice to my own situation...
    It's weird, as the world didn't seem as threatening when I turned 18. I'm sure the old man worried a tiny bit at times. Being blessed with a typical Italian mother, she'll never stop worrying. Hell, I still get the third degree every time I speak with her.

    Quote Originally Posted by Burgundy Burner View Post
    It will happen quicker than you can imagine.
    Best wishes to your daughters as they venture forth and continue to progress with bright futures.
    You're so right. It happened so much faster then I could have ever dreamed of


    Quote Originally Posted by Henry View Post
    My daughter is nine.

    I'm going to close this thread and never open it again.
    Posted via BGO Mobile Device
    LOL


    Quote Originally Posted by riggins44 View Post

    PS...drink a cheap bottle of wine and you will find it is easier to fall asleep.
    I'm an under paid mechanic, I can't afford a good bottle but once or twice a year. Bad part was, I was up till almost three I was so wound up, and had to get up early to rebuild the calipers on a buddies bike. It was 88 degrees in the shop... very painful bottle of wine.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miles Monroe View Post
    I know you're right brother, and just have to have faith it how we raised her, but it's not easy. This age has far more challenges then I ever dreamed.
    Well, think of it this way, you turned out alright, and she's not nearly as wild as you were at that age (that you know of at least ) and I'm sure she's got a good head on her shoulders so she'll be fine.
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    Quote Originally Posted by China View Post
    Well, think of it this way, you turned out alright, and she's not nearly as wild as you were at that age (that you know of at least ) and I'm sure she's got a good head on her shoulders so she'll be fine.
    Good points...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Henry View Post
    My daughter is nine.

    I'm going to close this thread and never open it again.
    Posted via BGO Mobile Device
    I'm right there with ya. My daughter just recently turned 10, and this thread gave me a panic attack. Damn you all. And here I was worrying about her becoming a teenager and wanting to go on dates. You mean it gets worse? AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Hey, just watch a "Girls gone Wild" video and relaaaaaaaax

    Sorry, that probably didn't help. If it means anything, my son is 18 and out the door this fall as well. Although it's kinda dfferent with boys

    And you can always come back 10 years from now and give me **** when I'm freaking over my only daughter leaving'
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    No need for a panic attack. Sure, there are some headaches along the way and it gives you some temporary heartburn here and there. That's all a part of trying to raise our young ones.

    Something else to think about...

    The financial stuff. You already know what it costs to raise a child in this everyday environment. The one thing that I'm happy about is that my daughter's college education (including graduate degree) is all behind her now. The costs were in the six figures (again, it was worth it) and the costs these days is far beyond what I paid from 1998 through 2004. If you haven't started to save for her education, it is time to put some serious money aside.

    A little more on the financial stuff. If you think they will be completely independent of any monetary needs after striking out on their own, think again. Periodically, something comes up and she needs a helping hand or two. Oh yeah, and the big wedding this summer is going to cost a pretty penny - and the expenses continue to mount.

    Ok, now that I've given some of you some other things to think about...have a good day.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burgundy Burner View Post
    No need for a panic attack. Sure, there are some headaches along the way and it gives you some temporary heartburn here and there. That's all a part of trying to raise our young ones.

    Something else to think about...

    The financial stuff. You already know what it costs to raise a child in this everyday environment. The one thing that I'm happy about is that my daughter's college education (including graduate degree) is all behind her now. The costs were in the six figures (again, it was worth it) and the costs these days is far beyond what I paid from 1998 through 2004. If you haven't started to save for her education, it is time to put some serious money aside.

    A little more on the financial stuff. If you think they will be completely independent of any monetary needs after striking out on their own, think again. Periodically, something comes up and she needs a helping hand or two. Oh yeah, and the big wedding this summer is going to cost a pretty penny - and the expenses continue to mount.

    Ok, now that I've given some of you some other things to think about...have a good day.
    Gee thanks lol. Where's the middle finger emoticon when you need it?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burgundy Burner View Post
    No need for a panic attack. Sure, there are some headaches along the way and it gives you some temporary heartburn here and there. That's all a part of trying to raise our young ones.

    Something else to think about...

    The financial stuff. You already know what it costs to raise a child in this everyday environment. The one thing that I'm happy about is that my daughter's college education (including graduate degree) is all behind her now. The costs were in the six figures (again, it was worth it) and the costs these days is far beyond what I paid from 1998 through 2004. If you haven't started to save for her education, it is time to put some serious money aside.

    A little more on the financial stuff. If you think they will be completely independent of any monetary needs after striking out on their own, think again. Periodically, something comes up and she needs a helping hand or two. Oh yeah, and the big wedding this summer is going to cost a pretty penny - and the expenses continue to mount.

    Ok, now that I've given some of you some other things to think about...have a good day.
    We're lucky in that her first four years of school are pretty much paid for. It's scary that she turned down a scholarship of 20k a year from the "U" Miami, and like 14K a year from Rutgers. Florida has what's called the Bright Futures scholarship, and her grades have been more then good enough to get the max. Add in merit money they are giving for her high test (ACT and SAT) scores gets us close to covered. She was invited to apply to the honors program, and was accepted, which means even more merit money.

    She'll be attending the University of Central Florida, which has the exact programs she looking for. Even better is their in the midst of building a teaching hospital, and should be done in her sophomore year. She'll be doing some of her work in a hospital setting, so she's all set.

    She had her choice of all the Fl state schools, and this one seems to have everything she wants, and needs. We'll see what happens when it comes to grad school, if she goes that rout. She may not need to in the field she targeted.

    Right now, we're looking at about 8 to 10 grand a year out of pocket. If she chose the "U", we'd be looking at about 32K a year, so I'm not unhappy.

    We'll see what happens when and if the day comes there's a weeding.
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