Random funny ****

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Brother Patrick O’Malley entered the Monastery of Silence.

The Priest said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so. "

Brother O’Malley lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said, "Brother O’Malley, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words."

Brother O’Malley said, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Brother O’Malley was summoned by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Brother O’Malley."

"Cold food," said Brother O’Malley, and the Priest assured him that the food would be better in the future.

On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Brother O’Malley in to his office. "You may say two words today."

"I quit," said Brother O’Malley.

"It's probably best," said the Priest, "You've done nothing but b1tch since you got here."
 
Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.

The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from the South.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

The lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz..

Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.

Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.

"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my God! What on earth for?"

The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying "Who gives a s**t?" I learned to say, "Well, bless your heart".
 
The latest in version control for developers
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYBjVTMUQY0[/media]
 
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7. 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year

8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon

10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

11. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

12. Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line

13. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds

14. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton

15. 1000 ccs of wet socks = 1 literhosen

16. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms

17. 3 protesting neighbors = 1 notinmyback yard

18. Combined volume of the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria = 3 galleons
 


sorry... took a second to figure out the new video tag ;)
 
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Genius like that is always rewarded :)
 

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