The Determined Storm Cloud: The Art of Alternative Reality.

One of many experimental iterations ...

Destino

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This post is for all of you out there that know the truth about the Redskins. The truth that would make all these annoyingly happy fans cry today if they could only see it as you can. The problem with these people, these happy redskin fans, is that they are looking at what actually happened. Unlike you they can’t see the disaster that took place because for whatever reason they are unable to look beyond record and the final score. This is where you come in.

They hear “hail to the redskins” and they smile this week. Disgusting.
They may actually watch ESPN just to hear the talking heads say “and the Redskins are 3-1”. Can you believe this ****?!

NO NO NO A THOUSAND TIME NO!

You HAVE to help them see what you see and the only way you can do that is by ridding yourself of the lie that is reality and introduce these poor blind souls to the world of WHAT IF! Conjure up this alternate reality and I promise you the cheering will die down. The smiles will be replaced with resolved melancholy expressions that are more appropriate for Redskins fans and British subjects.




Step 1. Focus on what the other team did poorly.
Did the other team drop a pass? Well that’s why the Redskins won the game. Clearly, had the other team played absolutely mistake free football they would have won. If the Redskins can’t beat an error free football team then do they really deserve to win the game? Of course not, this victory was unearned the other team for whatever reason, perhaps just torture you with happiness, gave the game away.

Remember that it does not matter that the Redskins also made mistakes. That is expected and right. Only the other team can be reasonably expected to play perfect football. Had the Rams not dropped passes the Redskins would have lost! Impossible to see things otherwise.




Step 2. Take away the Redskins big plays.
Big plays are created entirely by errors committed by the other team. Did the skins get a interception return for a touchdown? Shouldn’t have happened and will never happen again. Did a Redskins running back have a good day? Not if you take away a few big runs they didn’t. Big plays are entirely for other teams and not the Washington Redskins.

5 yards per carry is only earned when a running back actually runs for 5 yards on each and every carry. You’d think this would be obvious but sadly these fools are so mired down by final results they can’t be bothered with it. Any time a Redskin running back has a good game find the big gainers and deduct them. Then you’ll see what they REALLY did that day.




Step 3. Was the other team missing a player?
If the Redskins won the football game then clearly the other team was missing key players. Remember that 100% healthy teams are a reasonable expectation in the NFL. Any starter that was out would have made a play that ultimately the redskins wouldn’t have been able to overcome. If there is a single player that the other team is missing that normally would get significant playing time, be sure to remind the happy fans that his absence is why the Redskins won.

If the Redskins were missing any players point out that it wouldn’t matter if Redskins had proper depth and drafted well. The Cardinals took advantage of CB’s being injured… the skins should know that the 4th and 5th cornerbacks are important and you distinctly remember Asomugha being available. Way to go Bruce Allen.




Step 4. Randomly take points off the board.
The Redskins drove late in the game to take the lead over the Cardinals. Well we all know that game winning drives can’t be expected and as such should be ignored. Had the Cardinals not allowed the Redskins to score that final field goal they would have won. Instead they chose to give the game! How can anyone be happy about that ? I mean seriously people a game winning drive? That’s what losers rely on to create false hope so that fans will buy more overpriced beer.

There is no way the defense should have scored against the giants. Without that score the it would have been a one score game and who knows what would have happened? You do. The Redskins would have lost 49-21.



It's not just about being real, anyone can do that. You are too real for that and as such you are taking reality to a new place, alternate reality. Now go out there and rain all over the 3-1 parade!



*this thread was inspired by 106.7 the "fan" and the seemingly endless supply of callers chiming in to remind us that if the Rams could catch we'd have lost.
 

Ax

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Nice.

The need to be "right", and yelling it shrill,
is neither more informed, or, "just keeping it real."
 

Om

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Solid Gold.

And if I may add ...

5. When you read this, rest easy. He's not talking about you. Why? Because you know better.
 

Goaldeje

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Come on guys, we need one more Blog It vote, that's effing gold! I haven't cried with laughter on a football board post in quite a while, thanks Des.
 

Boone

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Sometimes another human being captures, perfectly, what you tried clumsily and poorly to say yourself.

Awesome.

Only other comment I'd make is that while that post would resonate 1000x louder on some other noise-filled boards out there, it is almost unnecessary on BGO.

Almost :)
 

fansince62

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Funny stuff!

I trust none of you will be spilling the same bilge when we lose because..we know that never happens around here!
 

FuriousD

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The smiles will be replaced with resolved melancholy expressions that are more appropriate for Redskins fans and British subjects.QUOTE]

Lol... "Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way"....

Made me laugh because I resemble both remarks but I'm trying to think positively, honest I am!

Nice piece and Hail!
 

Om

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Funny stuff!

I trust none of you will be spilling the same bilge when we lose because..we know that never happens around here!
[media]http://www.coolcartooning.com/images/HookedFish2.jpg[/media]
 

Lanky Livingston

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Damnit, I already fired off my angry letter to the NFL to revoke the Redskins wins from this season, but apparently wasted my time. I could have just copied and pasted this!
 

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