Stupid Job Interview Questions

[Lump Beefrock]

My friend and I were discussing some of the more ridiculous job interview questions and giving them smart aleck responses. Here's some stuff we thought was silly.

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Where do you see yourself in five years?

Funny you should ask. I spoke to myself from five years in the future... You see, I invent time travel in the future. I gave myself a warning. I said to my self, "After accepting this position, corporate life will rob you of your dignity and, eventually, humanity. You'll finally reach the breaking point through a downward spiral of depression brought on by crippling loneliness, alcoholism, and prescription drug addiction. This will bring us to new and unexplored lows." So, in five years, I'll be right here... talking to myself.

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If you were an animal, what type of animal would you be?

I'd like to be the type of animal that goes to a job interviews, gets a good job with compensation comparable to the cost of living, pays all his bills on time, enjoys his time off, builds for retirement, and is treated fairly throughout that course. I guess I'd be a unicorn since none of that f****** exists.

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Share your stupid questions and answer them.

 

[Fear The Spear]

Never heard the 2nd question, but yea, that first one is pretty annoying. Great response.

 

[China]

In a related topic, recommendations, I find LIAR to be useful:

I Can’t Recommend the Candidate 'Too Highly”: an Ambiguous Lexicon for Job Recommendations

Letters of recommendation are becoming increasingly unreliable as a means of evaluating candidates under consideration for academic employment. The chief reason is that the contents are no longer strictly confidential. In all but the rarest of cases, a letter is apt to be favorable, even when the writer knows the candidate is mediocre or unqualified. This is so because the writer fears the candidate may later exercise the legal right to read the letter, and perhaps even sue if the contents are not to his liking and are insufficiently substantiated.

While abolishing the practice of requiring letters of recommendation may at first seem like a good idea, there is really no better way to get reliable information about a candidate’s qualifications than to ask the people who have had close contact with him or her. What is needed is a means by which the letter writer can convey unfavorable information in a way that the candidate cannot perceive it or prove it as such.

To this end I have designed the Lexicon of Inconspicuously Ambiguous Recommendations, or LIAR. Here are a few samples:

• To describe a candidate who is so unproductive the position would be better left unfilled:
“I can assure you that no person would be better for this job.”
• To describe a candidate who is woefully inept:
“I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.”
• To describe a candidate who is not particularly industrious:
“In my opinion you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you.”
• To describe a candidate who is not worth further consideration:
“I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment.”
• To describe a candidate with lackluster credentials:
“All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly.”
• To describe an ex-employee who had difficulty getting along with fellow workers:
“I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine.”

Any of the above may be used to offer a negative opinion of the personal qualities, work habits, or motivation of the candidate while allowing the candidate to believe that it is high praise. In any case, whether perceived correctly or not by the candidate, the phrases are virtually litigation-proof.

 

[Nobody]

I actually got a job years ago from my answer to the animal question. Things were going pretty normal until the guy tried to catch me off guard by asking what animal I would be if I could be any animal in the world.

My response was simple - a human. When he asked why, I told the truth - because anyone who would pick another animal is a delusional idiot who doesn't realize how good we've got it, and puts too much stock in the ability to lick their own genitals.

The guy looked puzzled as hell, but immediately gave me the job because of the bluntness of my answer. Then he told me if he had to hear one more person say a dog because they're loyal, he would have been involved in a murder-suicide

 

[RG3 Fan]

What is your greatest weakness? Seriously? Do you really think I will honestly answer that question. No way.

My answer. I am a workaholic.

 

[Fear The Spear]

he would have been involved in a murder-suicide

And that's the kind of guy YOU want to work with/for ?

What is your greatest weakness? Seriously? Do you really think I will honestly answer that question. No way.

My answer. I am a workaholic.

Come on, those "weaknesses" that are so obviously twisted around to make it sound like a compliment, are so transparent. No employer buys into that.

 

[RG3 Fan]

And that's the kind of guy YOU want to work with/for ?



Come on, those "weaknesses" that are so obviously twisted around to make it sound like a compliment, are so transparent. No employer buys into that.

That is why it is a stupid question.

 

[Nobody]

The greatest weakness one is another one I had fun with a few times. The first time it came up, I said Kryptonite. I got the job. The last time it came up, I knew she was going to ask, so as soon as she said, "What would you say is your bigge...."---I interrupted real fast and said, "Sometimes I accidentally start talking before someone finishes their sentence." She laughed her ass off, I got the job.

You always hear that you should always be serious and never funny in an interview, but it's not always true. I've tried to be humorous in every interview I've ever had, and I've gotten the job every time.

When I went to work for Red Bull years ago, the guy interviewing me was about 80 years old, seemed stuck up as hell, grumpy, etc. He looked at me and said with a serious tone, "Don't get excited, they make me ask everybody, but if you're selected, how soon could you start?" I said, "I'm working right now, I clocked in on my way in here." The old codger laughed so hard I thought he was gonna have a stroke. He called me later in the night and told me I had the job, and he told me it was 100% because I was the first person in years to make him laugh.

They deal with the fake and serious BS all day long, and if they're too stuck up and have no sense of humor, working for them will usually be miserable anyway.

For the biggest weakness one, I'm still trying to work up the balls to one day say vagina. Then just sit there staring at them with a serious look on my face

Or have two index cards with the word weakness written on each one, with one slightly larger than the other. Sit there looking at both, then after making up your mind, hand them the one that has it written larger and say, "this one." Scoring points for being creative is never a bad thing.

 

[RG3 Fan]

Extreme, you got the Job. When can you start? LOL

 

[Lanky Livingston]

The interview is all about showing your personality. You're selling yourself as a person and (depending on the situation) at the same time the company is selling itself to you. Your resume already got you in the door; they know what you can do. If everyone is frowny-faced and serious, its a disservice to everyone. Extreme is absolutely right - while you shouldn't go in cracking dirty jokes and talking about your recent Vegas trip (never a good idea at any stage of the job, actually), bringing some humor and your personality into an interview is a good thing to do.

 

[SkinnedAussie]

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? On that side of the desk asking stupid questions!

 

[Lump Beefrock]

You're selling yourself as a person

Slavery or Prostitution? HA! Too insensitive? That shouldn't matter, I'm just kidding.


I agree with you. But, to me, the idea of "selling" ones self is so ridiculous. No salesman is going to tell you about the negatives.

"You're gonna love this car. It leaks oil on account of the bullet hole in the oil pan. But the bright spot is that it's been in three accidents and still runs like a carnival ride. I think that's because it's possessed by its former owner. New upholstery!"

I've yet to be given the animal question, but I'm aware that it exists. If I'm asked, I may not be able to restrain myself from a smart ass response. Its in my nature. I'll probably be more like "Are you serious?!" (note, I stopped caring about my performance in job interviews. It seems to yield better results.)

 

[Nobody]

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? On that side of the desk asking stupid questions!

I love it.

Slavery or Prostitution?

Almost every job I've worked felt like slavery. And I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one humming We Shall Overcome

 

[renaissance]

Yea I'm tired of the "where do you see yourself in 5 years" question.

I also am tired of the question about a weakness. I prefer to ask/be asked about a weakness that you once had that you've addressed, and how you addressed it.

I do appreciate at least one question per interview which is intended to throw the interviewee off their feet. Gotta see how someone reacts in a situation like that.

 

[Nobody]

- Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

- That depends completely on you, and the type of boss you are. If you're a decent human being and reward hard word and sacrifice, I see myself working my way up the ladder through the company, racking up promotions with regularity. But if you're more the type that's swayed by a dumb blonde with big tits, then I guess I should quit now, because nothing's worse than busting your ass for some jerkoff who doesn't notice all the things I do, because he's too busy adjusting his toupee and sucking in his gut while taking a spray of Binaca, hoping it's going to impress the 20 year old hot skirt in the office that's only using you to advance her career or set you up for a sexual harrassment lawsuit

........Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Thanking me for making you look good, or explaining to your wife why the new girl thinks you're single?

 

[drumlinboy]

I was once asked this question.

"you have a pile of forms that have become muddled, how can you tell what form came from what department quickly and easily"

I replied "use different coloured paper, that way regardless of what you do you can tell instantly what originated from where"

He replied we cannot do that, but we do have a genuine problem the likes of which I just outlined"

At that point i asked well what is the answer?

He replied he did not know which was why he was asking.

I never got the job.

 

[renaissance]

I was once asked this question.

"you have a pile of forms that have become muddled, how can you tell what form came from what department quickly and easily"

I replied "use different coloured paper, that way regardless of what you do you can tell instantly what originated from where"

He replied we cannot do that, but we do have a genuine problem the likes of which I just outlined"

At that point i asked well what is the answer?

He replied he did not know which was why he was asking.

I never got the job.

I was in an interview once where they told me that one of the reasons they were looking to hire someone was that they had issues keeping track of documents which had to be signed by multiple people. At that point I knew I did not want the job.