New Bible Era Manuscript Found!

One of many experimental iterations ...

Alaskan

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I'm new here and I know there is a separate forum for non-football stuff so if you think it should be moved please do so.

It seems that a new bible era manuscript has been discovered and recently translated. here it is:

And it came to pass at the end of the reign of King George that his armies were regularly defeated and his people were slaughtered by Lions and Bears and the Giants from the North and Birds of Prey. And the people were sore afraid.

And so it was that the general from the far north, Vincent the Greater was brought to the City of Great Monuments to lead King George’s army.
And the people rejoiced.

And Vincent the Greater taught the army how to fight on the ground and the importance of foot soldiers and defense and the plague of twice seven years was lifted.
And the people had hope.

But Vincent the Greater was full of years and he passed as did King George and the plague returned.

And it came to pass that King John the First came out of the west and the place of lakes and ruled over the City of Great Monuments. And the horn of the Ram was blown and out of the west came a great general whose name was George.

And George brought forth great multitudes from his army of the west that had won many battles and he built a great defense for the City of Great Monuments. His soldiers were powerful and they won in the east as they had in the west and god was pleased.

George was General for 7 years and won many battles. But his experienced army became old and George was banished to the west.

In three years King John brought forth Joseph as a new general. Joseph was a devout man. He soon learned the lesson of Vincent the Greater and built his temple with a strong foundation. Joseph had many great generals at his command and his armies were united.

And it came to pass that Joseph’s army had a great battle and they ran violently at the enemy as a great herd of swine and the great fish of the sea was destroyed.
And the people rejoiced for this was the first of Joseph’s three great victories.

Joseph’s solders were strong and true and they slaughtered the great war houses of the west and the great buffalo as well as victories in lesser battles against the Giants of the north and the birds of prey and the evil cloven hoofed cud chewers from the south.

And Joseph’s army wallowed in the mire as great swine when god sent torments of rain onto the field of battle. And Joseph and the swine and his generals and the people welcomed the torments of rain to the field of battle. And the battlefield rocked with the shouts of the people and the stamping of their feet and the enemy was sore afraid.

For eleven years, Joseph labored and was heavily laden and so it came to pass that he left the City of Great Monuments to dwell with his sons and their great chariots and the people mourned for Joseph was a great devout man.

King John summoned a new general from the army of the evil cloven hoof cud chewers from the land of the single star where the sun doesn’t shine and from which all manner of evil comes. And god was angry and said “this is an abomination unto me.”

But King John defied god for he believed the new general was fertile and would sire triplets and would lead to great victories. But the general was sterile and his armies were defeated and god was still angry and sent all manner of plagues against the city.

And so it was that King John the First was full of years and god commanded him “Give your army to your son.” But King John fell under the spell of evil advisors and all manner of harlots and defied god and when King John passed his son was deemed unworthy.

It came to pass that Little Daniel was crowned the new king. The people who had suffered mightily were hopeful. Little Daniel was rich and surrounded by all manner of sycophants and court jesters but he knew nothing of war.

Little King Daniel replaced generals and hired mercenaries and encouraged money changers to come into the field of battle. He fell under the spell of Vincent the Lesser who ignored the lessons of Vincent the Greater, George and Joseph and his armies were defeated.

Joseph was summoned to save the City of Great Monuments from the terrible siege and because Joseph loved the city and its people, he left his chariots and returned to the City of Great Monuments . All the people cheered and had hope.

Although god loved Joseph because he was a devout man, he was still angry and sent all manner of misfortune onto Joseph. And Joseph and his generals and his armies labored under heavy burdens and they lost many battles and their best young soldier and Joseph, his army and all the people mourned. But the city was saved.

And because god loved Joseph he blessed him and lifted his burden from him and the people knew that it was good and right.

Once again Little King Daniel fell under the spell of Vincent the Lesser and ignored the lessons of Vincent the Greater and god became angry again and sent all manner of plagues against his armies. A multitude of soldiers were lost and the field was littered with the wounded.

And the god of Vincent, George and Joseph was angry and condemned Little King Daniel to wallow in the depths until he removes the mercenaries, and sycophants and money changers from his temple. And all the people of the City of Great Monuments cried out in anguish and urged King Daniel to make it so.

-- To be continued


Of course it might have lost something in the translation from the original Arabic :)
 

Neophyte

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Nicely done! Wish I had thought of it...would have been a great blog entry.
 

Alaskan

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Yes. I originally posted it (slightly different) on CPND where it was basically ignored, so I decided to post it here. I'm slowly weaning myself off CPND (it tough to give up posting with people that you have posted with for 15 years.)

Thanks for the compliments.:)
 

Elephant

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Great read! Thanks Alaskan!
 

Sarge

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You have more time on your hands than I, but that was very creative!
 

sonofDC

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Hopefully, Little Daniel's reign will be less like Manasseh and more like Zimri...SHORT! :)
 

Jimbo

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Had to read it twice to figure out exactly who everyone was. :doh1:
Liked it even better the second time. Well done. :claps:
 

Alaskan

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Yesterday I got an email that said I have apparently made the blog. I only have two things to say:

Andy Warhol was right. :D

This is a great site with great features and even greater people.:thumbsup:
 

Neophyte

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You can thank Om. BG Overdrive was his brain child and just one of the many features here that we think really sets this place apart.

Thanks for contributing, sir.
 

Yusuf06

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So how does it end oh soothsayer?

100 years of darkness under king daniel......


my guess.
The usual speech...

Little Daniel: Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands.

But then, the fans finally figure it out...

Dennis the Peasant: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for running a team. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Little Daniel: Be quiet!
Dennis the Peasant: You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
 

The Burgundy Ghost

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The usual speech...

But then, the fans finally figure it out...

Dennis the Peasant: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for running a team. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Little Daniel: Be quiet!
Dennis the Peasant: You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
"Help, Help.....I'm being repressed!!!"
as FedEx ushers throw out fans for their Snyder Sucks, dumb and dumber t-shirts while hiolding a "Fire Vinny" sign.

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Xd_zkMEgkI[/media]
 

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