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My In-Laws Are Dumber Than Your In-Laws


Super Bowl MVP
Apr 1, 2011
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Virginia Beach, VA
Military Branch
Just when you think someone couldn't possibly be any dumber, an entire family goes out of their way to prove you wrong.

Last year, we went on vacation up to Massachusetts so I could finally meet the paternal side of my wife's family. It went great, we had an awesome time, and everyone loved me. As a result, I began talking to most of them nearly every day on facebook and on the phone.

The outcast of the family is my wife's 17 year old cousin. She has what I call adopted baby blues. She is always acting out to get attention, because she feels so unloved. In actuality, I don't blame her a bit, because they really do treat her like she's adopted, and I feel bad for her. Subsequently, I lent her an ear to vent, since nobody in the family seemed to care enough to give her the time of day.

About a month later, she decided she didn't want to live with her father anymore, so she moved to Florida to live with her mom. I never met her mom, but by all account, she is quite easily the worst person to ever walk the planet. Tells you how horrible she must have been made to feel in Massachusetts.

Fast forward a few months, and she had to get surgery for ovarian cancer. Even with that, her family couldn't be bothered enough to talk to her, so she became severely depressed, and quickly took comfort in the Morphine she had been prescribed to deal with the pain. I realized how fast she was spiraling out of control and I decided I had to scare her into giving it up. It worked, and she texted me a video of her flushing the Morphine as evidence she had really done it. Had I not intervened when I did, she very easily could have killed herself, and at the very least she would have been an addict.

Normally, you'd think that would gain you some favor with the family, but not with these clowns. I was berated for interfering and not letting her learn from her own stupid mistakes. :insane:

Then came September. She met a guy online, who has made her feel like she is loved, and she seems happier than ever. When the family found out, they proceeded to tell her she was a loser for thinking a relationship that developed online could ever go anywhere. 2 weeks ago, he flew out from California to make it a point to spend time with her and meet her mother. He stayed for a week, and proposed to her at the end of the week. This pissed her mother off, and she told her she was going to have him arrested for kidnapping her if she left the house with him since he is 19 and she is a minor.

So she got on facebook, and completely flipped her lid. She convinced her boyfriend to buy her a ticket to California, and she was going to skip town and move out there to be with him. So I decided to intervene again.

I commented on her facebook rant with some legal advice. I told her that under Florida law, her mom could not get her boyfriend for kidnapping, since she would be leaving willingly, and she has already graduated high school. I told her that her mom was just pissed off, and was striking out at her like she always did, because she's a control freak. I posted link to Florida law to show her that all the stuff her mom had been telling her was total BS. The reason I did this, was to make her realize her mom didn't have a legal leg to stand on, in hopes that it would keep her at her mom's house, rather than flying halfway across the country to be with some guy she barely knew.

It worked. She cancelled her ticket and he went back alone. Now, after talking to both of them, I convinced him it would be a better idea for him to move to Florida than it would be for her to move to California. They both agreed, and he starts a new job in Florida next month, and is currently looking for a place closer to her and her mom.

Then tonight happened. My father in-law called me up, raising hell about how he caught an earful from his brother (the girl's dad) ranting and raving about how pissed off I was for running my mouth to his daughter and giving her advice. See, he only read the post where I was posting legal information for her to read, and he jumped to conclusions without reading into things any further. As a result, he got the entire family in a huge uproar, claiming I was endangering his daughter and trying to get her to leave Florida. You know, the exact OPPOSITE of what I actually did.

And the people have some damn nerve, considering they're the same low life bastards that told me I shouldn't have stepped in to stop her Morphine addiction. What the ****? I have met some seriously ****ed up people in my life, but I have never seen anything that tops these freaks.

Now my wife is pissed off at me, because I just "don't understand" where her family is coming from, and refuse to make amends until they apologize and admit they were wrong. I say **** that ****, if she wants to take their side in this, she can kiss my ass with the rest of them. And here I was all these years thinking it was just her mom's side that was bat**** crazy.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue (I always wanted the opportunity to throw out an Airplane reference :laugh:)

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