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I Walked On The Moon, Won The Lottery And Cured AIDS All In One Day (LIES)

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Super Bowl MVP
Apr 1, 2011
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Virginia Beach, VA


Ok, so I didn't. Obviously. This thread is about my friend Brian. I am becoming convinced more and more every day that he was the inspiration for the liar character Jon Lovitz made popular.

This a guy who went from being the liar in high school, to a guy who now has no friends left, because he has gotten so bad that he literally lies to make conversation now. He's so bad, that if he says hello, you have to wonder if he's making it up.

A few years ago, we got in a particularly nasty fight about the absurdity of his lies. We both drank at the time, so we got a little worked up and came to blows over it. He threw a fit like a 2 year old, then told me that he had a cousin in the Mossad that would kill me if I touched him again. So I hit him again, and explained how he wouldn't know if his cousin was in the Mossad (he's not even Jewish) and when I called him out on it again weeks later, he just insisted that his cousin didn't want to get involved and blow his cover, rather than just admit he was lying.

When you bust him in a lie to his face, he twists the lie even more ridiculously to the point you want to strangle him. Lat year, he told me he was moving to Israel to join the Israeli Defense Force. The fact he is 642 lbs (legitimately) and NOT Jewish didn't seem to matter to him. He was going to use his "Mossad" connection.

So when he didn't go, he claims it was because he had a series of heart attacks, the swine flu, SARS and a brain tumor. All showing no symptoms, all discovered on a routine physical. :brood: You can't make this **** up.

As a result of the absurdity, I just got to the point where I completely quit talking to him. It had gone from amusing to idiotic, and I couldn't do it anymore. So guess who calls me out of nowhere today? I couldn't resist, I had to answer it - I was due for an update version of his life story lol.

He proceeds to tell me that he is suing the Virginia Beach Police Department. When I roll my eyes, sigh and ask why, he tells me that he let his friend drive his Hummer to 7-11, and the kid got arrested for DUI. Then, rather than impound the Hummer, the police officers ditched their patrol car, and took it on a 3 hour joy ride. :twitch: He is certain of all this, because he also has OnStar, which he called and heard the conversation by the police through. Lets get some things straight. In case you haven't guessed, he doesn't have a Hummer :laugh: He lost his license years ago, and he's too big to work, so he would have no way to get one. Not only that, no officer is ditching their patrol car to take a joy ride. Additionally, the VBPD is filthy rich. They have their own Hummers. 4 at last count, that they drive around all the time. It isn't like we live out in the boondocks where they've never seen more than a horse and buggy.

When he proceeded to get deeper into the story, I had to find a way to get out of the conversation, so I did what any logical person would have done. I picked up my house phone, called my cell phone, answered the beep, then clicked back over to tell him I had to let him go because Bob McDonnell was on the phone :D

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