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Deadspin: A Poem For Albert Haynesworth, Composed Solely of Media Descriptions


Lanky Livingston


I know some of you think Deadspin is a little low-brow, but I love them. This is quality stuff here:

Awful Albert, Abysmal Albert: Attitude-afflicted wash-up. Massive and huge and fat and lazy and difficult.

A sadistic sulky mountain, disgruntled.


Pain in the locker room, thorn in the side, waste of roster space.

Discontented malcontent, fickle painful volatile handful. Motivationally-challenged mess. Ten-dollar underachiever.

A controversial character-concern with character issues. So-called troubled, talented and troubled, troubling troublesome trouble.

Horrible aching pain in the gall bladder.


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