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Cake or Death? - An Open Letter to DeSean


The Legend
Feb 1, 2010
Reaction score
Waynesboro, VA
Alma Mater
James Madison
Dear DeSean,
You'll have to forgive some of us. For every one Redskins fan excitedly jumping up and down this morning upon hearing the news of your signing, there is another fan, like myself, huddled in the fetal position in the corner. We've been hurt before, you see. In fact, I was at the Y this morning, sporting one of Skins workout shirts, and was accosted by a fellow weight-loser about the soundness of this signing. She asked me about all the other high priced stars the team has brought in, and said, "haven't you guys brought in a lot of people that haven't really worked before?"

Uh, yeah. Do you want that list chronologically or alphabetically? Or perhaps a list that somehow measures the pain each signing caused?

So forgive some of us for not doing cartwheels in the streets either last night or this morning. We're gonna need some time. Post-Traumatic Vinny Disorder.

I will confess when my mind drifts to on the field possibilities, my pulse quickens a little as I imagine the defense having to make a choice between you and Pierre; when you add in Alfred and Jordan Reed? Well, my heart doth race full speed. Assuming we can fix the line a little more, of course. But it's more the off the field stuff with you, Mr Jackson. Well, that, and previous history. PTVD is nothing to sneeze at. Please don't hurt us. If you get arrested in conjunction with some gang activity, or get suspended for illegal substances or whatever, I am not sure how some of us will cope. Please be gently. Don't let us down.

Your teammates are counting on your ability to stretch the field, while opening things up underneath for Pierre, Reed, etc. Some of us fans are counting on you to not screw things up. We have a young QB who was in the middle of some serious distractions and drama last season, and as a result in my opinion, did not play all that well. If you only catch a few balls over the course of 3-4 weeks, please feel free to pull Robert to the side and politely express your displeasure, and your willingness to help the team. Please do not pull a TO. Please. PLEASE.

Having said all that, you are now a Redskins. You are now part of my lifelong team, I will root for you to score touchdowns and eat opposing DBs for lunch. I am sure you will enjoy laying Chip Kelly twice a year, and I know I will enjoy watching you shred his "fast" D. Go get 'em kid. Make us all proud.

Just don't hurt us.


What could possibly go wrong?

.... go wrong...
..go wrong....
.go wrong..

I am sure you will enjoy laying Chip Kelly twice a year, and I know I will enjoy watching you shred his "fast" D.​

Not that there's anything wrong with that...
Goaldeje has some weird tastes.

Boone covered in honey...

Watching Jackson lay Kelly and shred his "Fast D"...

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