A Chronological Look At Cleveland’s Attempt To Acquire No. 2 Pick

[Burgundy Burner]

Taken from various transcripts

March 2, 2012
Mike Holmgren: Hi Pat – Have a seat.
Pat Shurmur: Good morning boss.
Holmgren: The Rams have said they want a trade within the next week or so. Our plan to let everyone think we’re interested in Flynn is working. We’re getting RG3. The plan will not fail.
Shurmur: Looks that way.
Holmgren: That’s all for today. See you on Monday.

March 5, 2012
Holmgren: Marge, get Jeff and Les on the phone.
Secretary Marge: Right away Mr. Holmgren.
Holmgren: Hey Jeff – Hi Les.
Les Snead: Hi Mike.
Jeff Fisher: Hey Mike, how’s it going?
Holmgren: Going great. Hey, is the Thursday night deadline still a go?
Fisher: Yep. Put your best deal in front of us and if it is better than the others, you have the second pick.
Holmgren: Sounds good. We’ll be in touch.

March 7, 2012
Holmgren: Other teams will be submitting their bids by Thursday evening. We’ll outsmart them and put a late bid in about an hour before the new league year begins on Tuesday.
Shurmur: Is that a good idea? We could really lose in that deal.
Holmgren: No way. Look, we don’t want Flynn. Manning is washed up. Smith is a bust. Orton? Uh, no. RG3 is our answer and we will get him. Trust me.
Shurmur: Ok boss.

March 9, 2012
Kathy Holmgren: Mike, could you get the telephone? I’m in the middle of making your five large pizzas.
Holmgren: Got it! Hello.
Shurmur: Mike, news just broke about the Redskins getting the second pick.
Holmgren: No big deal. We still have our Tuesday option and things will work in our favor.
Shurmur: Uh, well, ok. Hope you’re right.
Holmgren: Don’t sweat it Pat. We’re fine. Take Monday off. See you on Tuesday.
Shurmur: Ok boss.

March 13, 2012
Holmgren: Marge, get Les and Jeff on the phone.
Marge: Right away Mr. Holmgren.
Holmgren: Hi Les, Hi Jeff. I’m ready to give you a blockbuster offer for that second pick. The Redskins won’t be able to match it.
Fisher: Sorry Mike, the deadline expired and you missed it.
Holmgren: Very funny Jeff. Seriously, we are ready to offer you an extra first rounder and we can give you even more to get this deal done.
Snead: Mike, we have team business to tend to. Have a great day.
Holmgren: #^&@*%&!!!
Shurmur: Problem boss?
Holmgren: Um, no. Marge, get Peyton on the phone.
Marge: Mr. Holmgren, Mr. Manning refused to talk with you and said something about owning you and said you could go to…
Holmgren: Ok, ok, I get the idea Marge! Get Flynn on the phone!
Matt Flynn: Hello.
Holmgren: Hey Matt, old pal, old buddy, dear friend.
Flynn: Hi Coach. Just to let you know before we talk about playing in Cleveland – I’m probably going to Seattle.
Holmgren: Seattle? You can’t be serious! That is a dreadful place to play! I should know!
Flynn: Coach, thanks for the call, but I need to go.
Holmgren: #^&@*%&!!!
Shurmur: Problem boss?
Holmgren: Don’t you have something to do?
Shurmur: Not really.

March 14, 2012
Holmgren: Marge, get Mike Shanahan on the phone.
Mike Shanahan: Hello.
Holmgren: Hi Mike.
Shanahan: Hey Mike.
Holmgren: How’s it going Mike?
Shanahan: Pretty good Mike.
Holmgren: Got a question Mike.
Shanahan: Ok Mike.
Holmgren: All of our picks in the next five drafts for that second pick.
Shanahan: That’s a generous offer, but we’re keeping that pick.
Holmgren: #^&@*%&!!!
Shurmur: Problem boss?
Holmgren: Shut up!

March 21, 2012
Shurmur: Hey boss, just heard that Tebow is available for a trade.
Holmgren: Marge, get Elway on the phone!
John Elway: Hello.
Holmgren: Hi John. Is Tebow really available for a trade?
Elway: Yes – are you prepared to make an offer?
Holmgren: Sure. We’ll send you a ham sammich.
Elway: We’ll think about it.
<Later that afternoon>
Shurmur: Tebow was traded to the Jets.
Holmgren: #^&@*%&!!!
Shurmur: Problem boss?
Holmgren: Shut up!

March 22, 2012
Shurmur: Looks like we are out of options.
Holmgren: I have one more ace up my sleeve. Marge, let’s go to plan Z!
Favre residence: Hello.
Holmgren: Brett. It’s Mike. I’d like to make an offer to you.
Brett Favre: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
<Click>
Holmgren: #^&@*%&!!!
Holmgren: Young man, get me some coffee and some cinnamon buns.
Colt McCoy: Right away sir!
Holmgren: #^&@*%&!!!
Shurmur: Problem boss?

 

[Canadian Hog]

And with the fourth pick in the 2012 NFL Entry Draft, the Cleveland Browns selected, Ryan Tannehill, QB, Texas A&M.

 

[tshile]

i'm so happy we didn't lose out on rg3 to the browns

 

[Henry]

Hi Mike.
Hey Mike.
How’s it going Mike?
Pretty good Mike.
Got a question Mike.
Ok Mike.

This is my favorite part.

 

[Boone]

Nicely done

 

[Burgundy Burner]

Thanks for the kind words - really enjoyed creating this fun look at the Browns.

PFT had this entry today and found it to be hilarious when you compare this to what I wrote last week.

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.co...dly-outbid-for-pierre-garcon-and-josh-morgan/

 

[Rymanofthenorth]

if someone offered us their entire draft for the next 5drafts and we said no I would strongly consider doing something drastic to redskins park lol

 

[drumlinboy]

priceless yet brilliant still laughing here and sending it around my friends over here

 

[Om]

If you're Cleveland, at least you have a good reason to loathe the Redskins.

Of course, you should probably loathe your front office more.

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

 

[Neophyte]

In a deeply contemplative mood today, I see.

Seriously, nice quote, Om. It sums up exactly what I have been thinking since the trade for #2 was made. I would rather this team fail while striving for greatness than succeed at mediocrity.

 

[drumlinboy]

In a deeply contemplative mood today, I see.

Seriously, nice quote, Om. It sums up exactly what I have been thinking since the trade for #2 was made. I would rather this team fail while striving for greatness than succeed at mediocrity.

try this

tis greater to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all

 

[Jugband McGillicuddy]

I would rather this team fail while striving for greatness than succeed at mediocrity.

Truer words, man. Truer words.

Well done, BB. It's fun to mock another team's misery, having been so miserable ourselves for so long.

 

[Rymanofthenorth]

schadenfreude ftw