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Fatherly advice needed

Happy hour starts in 5 minutes
Ive got no advice as a parent as I'm not one. All I can muster up at this point SS is my true belief that good people find ways to rise above the madness in this world and my confidence that your family will do anything they have to to overcome this tragedy. Sickened, saddened and angry as hell that this could happen to yall, I know that we all are here for you in any capacity you choose. Life can be seemingly impossibly the tough but you all can rise above it.
 
Wow! I can't explain how awesome you all have made me feel! I truly feel like I have friends that I have never met here! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
 
So we decided the whole puppy fiasco was adding to much stress and we had to put our cat down last week too. (Tough summer sheesh) Welcome Chico, our new kitten and family member. He has had a positive impact on my daughter already.
 
Update:

Investigation is taking forever, worried as hell that justice won't occur but praying hard daily he gets his due. They say it could take years. Wtf?

My daughter is doing better each day. School starting both helps and hurts. She is more positive after being reunited with friends but overreacts so much worse with internet school drama. Yuck, kids can be assholes.

Oldest daughter still feeling guilt over the whole thing. Feels responsible. She has retreated from a lot of relationships and is very "teen angst" acting.

The great thing that makes me smile is when I asked my oldest what she wanted to do for her 16th birthday Sunday, she chose watching the skins game at Whisky River here in downtown Charlotte!

BTW, that's where the Redskins rally will be when we play the panthers
 
Wow, what a horrible thread...I mean that in the nicest way. What a horrible reason for a thread. Unfortunately I can identify as my sister was raped at age 17. Out of respect I'll keep it information light but you are already hitting on a harsh reality. The justice system is slower than molasses and will indeed take years to get it all worked out. Your daughter will also continue to struggle and deal with issues that arise from this. The good news? She will recover and she will live a wholesome and rewarding productive life. Life does go on. The pet thing is always good especially if it's one that is a companion and affectionate. pets break through that emotion and make you focus on loving them and giving them positive vibes and attention. The side effects for the owners all are therapeutic. It's why they use pets in hospice and rest homes and hospitals. Pet love heals. Best of luck SS, unfortunately all we can do as family members is support and be there for them. My sister's attacker died of leukemia a few years after the incident so my sister never got the satisfaction of watching him pay the penalty (although some would argue that he did pay a price with his life). Hopefully your daughter will get more closure there.

Oh just thought of this...be a hardass with the school and her peers. Kids can be very cruel and will make up all kinds of rumors and try to unfairly stigmatize your daughter. Unleash and unload both barrels on any bullies who do so and DON'T allow her school to just brush it off. If my parents could do one thing over it'd be to hold the school's feet to the fire more with this.
 
Hi folks, Its been pretty tough lately. I feel so helpless at times. My daughter is now starting tohave severe emotional episodes both at school and at home. Today was the worst one yet. Something triggered a sort of flashback experience for her and she ended up in the fetal position on the floor in her classroom. Shes not only hurting but also very embarrassed as the other kids see it but have no idea whats behind it.

I'm spending the afternoon with her and she is asleep with her head on my lap right now. Tears have run tracks down her cheeks.

Please pray for her.
 
I pray for you all....I'm also here if you ever want to just talk, yell at me, rant to me, or just get stuff off your chest and have it deleted immediately. Feel free to use me at your disposal.

I'm truly sorry this is happening to your family.
 
brother, words cannot express, nor could I imagine even having words available that could come close. Like Mike said, you've got my ear, message screen, or any variation there of if you find a need for it. Prayers are with you
 
Thanks guys, not only for your support and friendship but also for allowing me the occasional outlet here for just letting out how I'm feeling. I really have few places or people to do that with.

We are going to try a different type of therapy for her. They are saying she is experiencing PTSD type symptoms.

God, I hate this.
 
In no way am I minimizing the impact of what she's gone through - but having survived a teenage daughter, she is in that stretch where even without a major trauma like what she has gone through, girls that age are generally emotional basketcases. I didn't think my daughter was going to make it through being 16-17. I feel for you and even more so her. But you are doing all you can, continue to shower her with love and concern, keep her talking to a therapist, and she will move past it. I used to hate it when my parents told me this, but time heals a lot of wounds. Sorry you are going through this. There's nothing worse than seeing your child suffer.
 
Thanks Boone, sage advice.


hey, to the board, please accept my apologies for venting on a bad day yesterday. I hate being a wet blanket.
 
Speaking for myself I don't need am apology for you being human
 
Snydershrugged said:
Thanks Boone, sage advice.


hey, to the board, please accept my apologies for venting on a bad day yesterday. I hate being a wet blanket.
Click to expand...

Are you kidding? Vent!

I'm just glad we can do SOMETHING helpful, even if it's just to be a place for you to air stuff out.
 
Snydershrugged said:
Thanks Boone, sage advice.


hey, to the board, please accept my apologies for venting on a bad day yesterday. I hate being a wet blanket.
Click to expand...

Vent away, brother. Please.

Sorry I just saw this. The original post happened at a point in the summer where I was totally underwater and not really here much. I have two girls (9 and 6) and I can't imagine... Honestly, don't want to imagine. The fact that you have stood back and allowed the authorities to do their thing impresses me more than I have words to express. Seriously. I'm so slow to violence that some wonder if I am kin to Gandhi but I'm pretty sure he would have just disappeared by now.

Hang in there. While mine aren't as old as yours I have managed to figure out one thing about kids, both boys and girls. They are tough. Often much tougher than we as adults know or think. It may not be a fast thing but she will recover and sooner or later you will see the little girl you remember. You are a big reason she will recover too. Just stick with it (as her father there is no way you wouldn't, I know). I have faith in you, her and your family.

Know that I'll be thinking good thoughts for all of you and please, vent as necessary.
 
Venting is all good,

I'm at the grandfather stage with a beautiful grand daughter who is so trusting, affable and friendly that fears of your situation enter my mind.

Both of my girls are grown and we managed to get through relatively unscathed, if I could remember how.

I truly wish I could offer comforting sage advice beyond what all the others have expressed, can't but you can certainly add me to the list of folks who feel for you and your family.

The legal system can be exasperating, particularly in dealing with intense cases like yours. All I can suggest is keep a coolness about the situation, stay on track and try not to dwell on the time frame but rather logically gather the facts, assist the investigators and use what time you can to build the case.

Blame and guilt, a hard one to deal with. I'm sure you're aware that no one in your family is to blame. The aggressor is the only one who is and his family will try to protect him. If anything from them hits you in the face, take notes, document any thoughts, keep records and let the folks on your side hear about it. Any prosecutor worth his or her salt will find out things that you have not even considered.

Your baby has been hit hard but as Neo pointed out, kids are resilient. My guess is that somewhere down the line after several flashbacks things will settle down. Only you and yours can figure out how much loving, firmness and anger should be overtly displayed. I suspect that normalcy, impossible as it seems, would be a good anchor point.

Best wishes my man, hang in there.
 
I'm of the grandfather age as well (two granddaughters) and like many here, we have raised daughters or currently raising them. I really can't add to what has been said, but you have many friends here who care. As always, feel free to speak your mind and soul. We'll listen. And you are in our thoughts and prayers.
 
I am so sorry with what your daughter, you, and your family is going through. Having raised a step-daughter through the teenage years I know the challenges. Then add what she experienced is makes it rougher. She needs to know she did nothing wrong.

From what I've read you're doing a great job as a dad. I wish I had some old timers words of wisdom, but I don't. I will offer to keep her and you in my prayers.

You need to come here and vent. Your BGO family is your support group. We are here for you.
 
very rough week for our family and especially my little girl.

Its now gotten out at her school, no idea who said what, but its a disaster.

My daughter has had 3 total collapses this week and is officially diagnosed with PTSD. She isnt functioning at all. Add in the little assholes now calling her a whore and a slut at every turn, and she is devastated. Refuses to go to school and the school wont help (not even sure how they could to be honest)

So few options and choices for getting her past this.

I've tried to help her approach this from the perspective of a survivor rather than a victim, but its not working. Her friends have abandoned her and even the teachers are not understanding.

I feel totally lost and helpless. I'm even facing legal trouble myself, for the violent reaction I had the day I found out.

Please pray and pray hard I dont know what to do.
 
The kids at school are calling her WHAT? And there isn't anything the school can do to help?

I admire you for your restraint, but frankly, I am about ready to jump in my car and go get in someone's face for you. At the very list, the school needs to be punishing anyone who looks at her funny. That should be a given.

Also a given are our thoughts and prayers. If there is ANYTHING you need, you know you have a family here willing and able to do whatever we can to help.
 
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