A Burgundy and Gold Obsession
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  1. #1
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    Default Some Early Tiger jokes....

    Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.


    Whats the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.


    What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing


    Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldnt decide between a wood and an iron.
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  2. #2

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    Towson

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    Lol, sorry, I don't have anything good to add, but these cracked me up. So many good jokes to come of this!
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  3. #3
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    Default

    Tiger's new movie is out: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.


    It Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly but put me down for a 5."


    Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger!

    Tiger's wife now has her own endorsement with her club of choice - PING!

    What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian.

    We now see that tiger woods drives very well on the fairway but doesnt fare very well on the driveway

    Elin's excuse? She had to play a bad lie.

    Tiger's wife used a 5 iron on his Escalade not knowing a 3 wood would cause more damage
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  4. #4
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    Florida Atlantic

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    I love me some Tiger, but should we change his name to Cheetah?

    wah wah waaaaahhhhhh...from Doyle Brunson via twitter.
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  5. #5
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    The difference between Tiger and Santa ..............................?

    Santa gives up after 3 Ho's!
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    Why should I get out of bed at 4am just to watch us lose?

  6. #6
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    Air Force

    Default

    It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
    turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
    children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
    dismissal.

    Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
    leave early today."

    Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
    and will answer the question."

    Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

    Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

    Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

    Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

    Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

    Johnny is even madder than before.

    Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

    Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

    Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
    questions.

    When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
    keep their mouths shut!"

    The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

    Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
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    Formerly known as ...............Sarge

  7. #7
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    Florida Atlantic

    Default

    Ha, my favorite one didn't make it to BGO:

    When the cops questioned Elin about how many times she hit Tiger with the golf club her response was "Hmm, I can't really remember...put me down for a 5."
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  8. #8
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lanky Livingston View Post
    Ha, my favorite one didn't make it to BGO:

    When the cops questioned Elin about how many times she hit Tiger with the golf club her response was "Hmm, I can't really remember...put me down for a 5."
    Refer to post #4!
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    Why should I get out of bed at 4am just to watch us lose?

  9. #9
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    Florida Atlantic

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SkinnedAussie View Post
    Refer to post #4!
    Oops...well here's a new one:
    http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2009/12...william-blake/

    Tiger, Tiger bonking bright
    in the fleshpots of the night
    what immortal eye or hand
    could restore your tarnished brand?

    On what porn stars breasts and thighs,
    burnt the fire of your eyes
    on what course did your ball run
    as you sunk a hole in one?

    You always looked so squeaky clean
    as you strode across the green
    what a relief for other men
    to know deep down youre just like them

    All the endorsements down the drain
    in what place was kept your brain
    how deep the bunker, how long the grass
    how costly all the tits and ass

    Why did you keep your clubs so handy
    why did you marry a fearsome scandie
    at golf youll always be a winner
    at cheating youre a rank beginner

    Tiger, Tiger bonking bright
    in the fleshpots of the night
    what immortal eye or hand
    could restore your tarnished brand?
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