A Burgundy and Gold Obsession
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Thread: A Short Story

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    Default A Short Story

    Two score and sixteen years ago a dwarf incubus invaded the body of a gentle lady, impregnating her with his demonic seed. Nine months later, the demonic Lord Farquaad was born.



    The lady's husband, being a kind and honorable man, raised the boy as his own, and taught him the stories of St. Joe, who had brought much rejoicing into the land.



    But the boy ignored all such pearls of wisdom as he found himself more and more absorbed by the dark tales of the land of Canaan, dreaming of surpassing his middling demonic status and ascending to the Pantheon of the Levantine deities.



    "I will rule the thunder in the skies!" he exclaimed. "I want to be Baal!"

    But his proclamation was met with derision by his young playmates, who ridiculed his diminutive stature. "You barely qualify as a reject of Angra-Mainyu, and you want to pretend to be a god?" one laughed.

    "You are too small and fragile. You will never play Baal," another admonished.

    Crestfallen, yet undeterred, the short demon crafted a plan. He infiltrated the communication lines of the royal households and used the intelligence he gathered to pilfer a substantial fortune which he brought for a great sacrifice to the Temple of Baal.

    The gods were impressed by the wealth of the offering, and relented somewhat. "We will allow you to play with Baal, but because you are the half breed son of a demon, you will never attain deification. In addition, you must continually offer sacrifice."

    Lord Farquaad agreed, and pledged to pour out a libation of Crown Regal the first night of every week. In addition, he sacrificed many miscreants, including a bug-eyed Raven, an aging lobster, a rare lip flapping gator, a foolish jester plucked from a swinging gate, and the town drunkard.

    Tragically, all such sacrifice was for naught in the end, he never grew up tall enough to see Baal, and was left alone, sharing his stale beer with a talking weasel.
    Last edited by Riggotoni; 09-25-19 at 02:22 PM.
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    Default Re: A Short Story

    This is my favorite part ...

    “Lord Farquaad agreed, and pledged to pour out a libation of Crown Regal the first night of every week. In addition, he sacrificed many miscreants, including a bug-eyed Raven, an aging lobster, a foolish jester plucked from a swinging gate, and the town drunkard.”

    But you forgot one. Left out the Ol’ Baal Coach


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    You ain't bonafide

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    Default Re: A Short Story

    I wasn't sure what animal I could use for Spurrier.
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    Default Re: A Short Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Riggotoni View Post
    I wasn't sure what animal I could use for Spurrier.
    A Gator.
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    hailus redskinus
    COYS

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    Default Re: A Short Story

    Three toed sloth? 😎
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    Default Re: A Short Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Riggotoni View Post
    I wasn't sure what animal I could use for Spurrier.
    A hyena.
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    Default Re: A Short Story

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    “All right, they’re on our left, they’re on our right, they’re in front of us, they’re behind us. They can’t get away this time.” - Chesty Puller

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    Default Re: A Short Story

    Gruden reminds me of Alfred E Newman.
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    Default Re: A Short Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Neophyte View Post
    A Gator.
    Ah, perfect. Updated, thanks.
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