A Burgundy and Gold Obsession
BGO ... the road less traveled.

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  1. #1
    BGObsessed
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    08-29-19
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    Default I've Been Here Before.......

    Life certainly has a way of kicking you when you're down sometimes, but I'm a fan of never letting the negativity take control of you. Even though I'll be the first to admit that I myself had a hand in creating the chaos on more than one occasion in my life.

    I'm not a new member, far from it actually, I just couldn't remember my login information after a three year absence. Anyone who's been around a while knows me, and if you have a negative memory of me, I honestly can't blame you. I was quite a dick sometimes. It wasn't that I took pleasure in it, it's that my life was spiraling completely out of control and I just didn't care anymore. For that, I am truly sorry. I was wrestling many demons, and in the end I lost. I lost everything.

    I was with my wife since high school. We had a great life, two amazing kids, I had a great job, and she had less than a year to go on her Master's Degree. We had just purchased a beautiful house, we had a bunch of awesome dogs, and I didn't have a single complaint about my life. Then I received a plea for help, and that was the beginning of the end really.

    Late in 2015, I started drinking again after over 6 years of sobriety. There were many contributing factors to this, but nothing more than excuses really when I look back on it. The alcohol took total control over me, and I couldn't pull myself out of it. My father had a massive heart attack, from which he fully recovered and is fine now, I discovered my wife of nearly 20 years was cheating on me with a police officer down the street, and my straight A student daughter fell in with the wrong crowd, got involved with drinking and drugs, and was letting everything she worked for go to shit.

    My best friend committed suicide, I lost my job when a Chinese company took over the company and let us all go, and I felt myself losing my grip on everything, and I had a total breakdown. This was witnessed on facebook by a few members here, who I promptly lost as friends as my toxic and very public meltdown played out for all to see. I am ashamed of how I acted, and the things I said are unforgivable. I was in a very bad place at the time, and I had zero filter or thought as to what the ramifications could be.

    After getting to the point where I felt like giving up, I was at a loss for what to do. I felt like I had hit rock bottom, but I learned in a few short months that I wasn't even close. My wife filed for divorce in March of 2016, and flaunted her new relationship in my face, sort of as a way to punish me for losing my mind I guess. When I couldn't take it anymore, I knew I had to do something to get away from the situation. A friend of mine in Salisbury, NC pleaded for me to come stay with her and her family for a while just until I could get my shit together. I went with all intentions of it being temporary. Upon my arrival, I met someone who was talking to me about an open position at a beer distributor, so after discussing it with my wife, I went and got the job, and we decided time apart was best for everybody. Her and her boyfriend had broken up, we were working things out, I had quit drinking, and I would travel home to Virginia Beach every weekend to spend time with the family.

    Everything seemed to be going great, and we were discussing buying a house in Granite Quarry, NC and moving away from Virginia Beach for good. In June of 2016, my friend's 16 year old daughter confided in me that her stepfather was beating her every weekend when I wasn't there. He was bipolar, a serious alcoholic, and didn't take his medication. I had seen his violent outbursts, but never with her. She swore that he would put a couch cushion on her, and proceed to beat her so it wouldn't leave marks. I talked about this with her mother, who blew it all off. Then one day at work, the daughter called me and said he was beating her, and begged me to rush home and make it stop. I caught him in the act of a severe assault. I went after him, and he took off.

    The daughter called her mother and told her, and was called a liar. I told her I witnessed it and was going to call the police. Since the husband made over $120,000 a year, all she cared about is the impact the financial loss would cause, and told me I'd ruin her life and she'd never forgive me, I'd regret it if I did, etc. But someone had to do something. I called her Grandmother in Lexington, the next county over, and explained the situation. I had known her over 20 years, and she told me I was doing the right thing if I called the police, then told me to file a report, and bring her granddaughter to her house. That's exactly what happened.

    The insanity at their house over the previous weeks had escalated to the point where I couldn't be around it anymore, because it was dragging me down. So after dropping her off at her grandmother's house, I went and packed my things and went back to Virginia Beach. About two weeks after going back home, I was pulling out of my driveway to take my daughter to the psychiatrist. Six SUVs swarmed the car, officers hopped out with guns drawn, and they ripped me and my daughter from the car and proceeded to rough me up. All the while, not one officer would answer my question about what was going on. They told me I was under arrest on a warrant from NC, but refused to say more. I had never been in trouble in my life. I graduated third in my class in high school, I used to be a correction's officer, I used to be in the Army, I never got in trouble, because I didn't break the law.

    After sitting in a room for six hours, an officer from NC arrived to talk to me. He said the mother (my friend) had filed charges of statutory rape. I said, "Um, are you ****ing kidding me?" He said they would be taking me down to NC to book me into the Rowan County jail, where I would face a charge of statutory rape, and a possible penalty of life in prison without parole. I flipped out, I was scared out of my mind, and confused beyond words. Then he began showing me a statement written by friend. She claimed that me and her daughter concocted this whole physical abuse story to run away together because we were in a sexual relationship. It made absolutely no sense, because we were never alone together, and if we were running away together, why would I take her to her grandmother's house?

    For two years, I sat in the county jail under a $350,000 bond that I would never be able to make. It was 19 months before I ever met with my attorney, when he gave me my discovery. In it, they pulled years of phone records, tore the house and car apart for forensic evidence, took DNA, and left no stone unturned. After a 2 year investigation, they claimed zero pieces of evidence, and stopped just short of admitting they ****ed up. Within a few weeks, I received a plea deal from the district attorney. She said due to a lack of evidence, the charge of statutory rape was being dropped. The letter also said that in NC, to transport a minor anywhere by vehicle if they are 16 or younger without custodial parental consent, is second degree kidnapping, a class E felony. I couldn't ****ing believe it.

    I met with my lawyer, and flat out rejected the plea. It was bullshit, and I told him I wanted to take it to trial, and he absolutely refused, so I fired him. My new lawyer also urged me to take the deal, but with an explanation. He said the DA informed him that if I decided to go to trial, they would push for the initial charge, and use a technique called charge stacking. He said I would wait in jail another 2-3 years awaiting trial, then face a jury in a county that notoriously convicts everybody charged with a sex crime, with or without evidence. The fact there was no phone contact other than her call for help didn't matter. The fact there was no physical or electronic evidence didn't matter. And the fact there was no DNA and a medical evaluation showed she was a virgin, did not seem to matter. So take a deal, go to prison for 10 months and go home, or gamble my life in a county with a relentless history of bias and a 96% conviction rate. I mulled it over for several weeks, but eventually signed the deal. Now I'm a felon.

    The first day in prison, I was stabbed by a guy who believed I was the one who set fire to his grandmother's house. I was not, and he later offered an apology which I didn't acknowledge. After that, prison was actually very calm. Hollywood is 100% way off base, it is nothing at all like you see on tv and in movies. But losing your freedom is about the worst thing you can imagine.

    3 months before I was released, my wife filed for divorce officially, and informed me she was leaving me for a coworker. I couldn't be upset, I was glad she was happy. When I was released on March 25 of this year, it was set up for me to be transferred back to Virginia, where I would be living with a friend. Instead, my paperwork was never officially filed, so by law they had to release me to the county of my arrest, where I would be homeless until I could go home. The first night, I was literally tossed on the streets with the outfit they sent me out of prison in (tshirt, pants, shoes, socks, boxers) and $8. It poured rain and dropped to the mid 30s that night, and I realized then I had probably finally hit rock bottom. A few days later, snow and freezing rain fell heavy over the area. I was treated for frostbite on my feet, and oddly enough later that same week I was treated for heat stroke when temperatures spiked. I wanted to die, and if I didn't have kids, jumping in front of a train would be an inviting opportunity. I was in a very bad place.

    My family came down and brought me clothes, a phone, a tent, and some money and supplies to last me. The second night I spent in the woods, a black bear took out my tent while I was in it sleeping, and ran off with my entire bag of food. It would be almost a week before I ate again. Two weeks later, I had another encounter with the bear, but nothing came of it.

    After two months of hell on the street, I was told my transfer cleared, and I was free to leave. I hopped on the train immediately, and got the hell out of NC for good. Now I'm in Norfolk, VA living with two friends I've known since middle school, my health is improving, my family is close, me and my wife while not together have become very good friends, and I recently started working as a cook, a job I have wanted so badly since as long as I could hold a knife. So even though life hasn't been ideal these last few years, I'm starting to put it all back together. I feel better every day, and I do my best to become a better person for my family and friends, and anybody I meet. I went through hell and back more than one time, but it's finally over, and I'm embracing the positive.

    I'm sorry for the long post, but those of you who know me know I can get long winded. Also, I figured I'd get it all out at once, instead of bits and pieces. I hope you'll welcome me back even if it takes time, but I promise you I intend to be nothing but a positive influence around here. Animosity and negativity are good for nobody. Have a great day fellas, and lady fellas.
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  2. #2

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    Default Re: I've Been Here Before.......

    Welcome back. That is one hell of a story. I am glad to reset the password on your old account if you prefer that.

    Glad you survived your ordeal and that life has taken a positive turn!


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    You ain't bonafide

  3. #3
    BGObsessed
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    Default Re: I've Been Here Before.......

    Quote Originally Posted by Boone View Post
    Welcome back. That is one hell of a story. I am glad to reset the password on your old account if you prefer that.

    Glad you survived your ordeal and that life has taken a positive turn!


    Posted With Tapatalk
    Thank you, and it's been more positive every day. It's so great to be back I don't even have words for it. I think I'll just stick with this account. Fresh start and all. The old me was a real nobody
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  4. #4
    BGObsessed
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    Air Force

    Default Re: I've Been Here Before.......

    Don't know you, but I hope life keeps going upward for ya
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    Formerly known as ...............Sarge

  5. #5
    BGObsessed
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    Default Re: I've Been Here Before.......

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarge View Post
    Don't know you, but I hope life keeps going upward for ya
    Thank you. And yes, it gets better every day. The last few years taught me a lot about life,. and why there are so many things not worth being angry over. I had pretty bad anger issues most of my life,. and prison had a very strange way of taking that away. For that, I'm grateful.
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    [F.K.A. Extreme] The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.

 

 

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