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Honoring the Redskins Performance in their first preseason game through... Anchorman?

Yes, this is gimicky. Yes, it is probably something Bill Simmons would do or has already done.

But he hasn't done it about the Redskins, darn it!

So I'm going to pull some random quotes from the best comedy of the 2000's and apply them to the Redskins. Those of you who enjoy coarse, repetitive male humor might think this is funny. Those with more refined sensibilities, might I suggest Boone's or Om's blog?


In honor of our opponent, the Buffalo Bills:
Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh.
Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady.
Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me.
Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people
News Station Employee: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.

Good Lord the Bills looked awful. That is really the one thing that tempers my enthusiasm the most about the results of the game last night. Seriously, terrible looking. Like they might struggle to win 4 games terrible. I would like to think we were that dominate, but there was more than a passing resemblence to my high school football team, which won a grand total of 4 games during my four (not five smart asses) years there. Go Panthers!

In honor of the Albert Haynesworth drama maybe being put to bed, finally:
Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?
Brian Fantana: Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.
[to the Panda]
Brian Fantana: Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out of here, Panda Jerk.
Ron Burgundy: Great story. Compelling, and rich.

Umm, yeah. As compelling and rich as that story has been, Haynesworth looked pretty good last night, admittedly against second teamers. But what was most encouraging was his interactions with teammates on the field and on the sidelines. Looks to me like folks have moved on. We should too.

In honor of Dan Snyder's booth interview:
Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.
Veronica Corningstone: Really.
Ron Burgundy: People know me.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, I'm very happy for you.
Ron Burgundy: I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

OK, cheap shot, I know. Couldn't resist. Actually, Mr. Snyder was humble, and almost seemed... pleasant. Best to move on quickly before we jinx it or something.

In honor of Joe Theismann's announcing:
Ron Burgundy: You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?
Ed Harken: Dammit. Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?

Joe, we love you, honest. We all wish we could be you, truly. But, yikes. I mean, yikes. My wife looked up a couple of times in wonder from her computer last night during the game with a look of smiling wonder on her face.

In honor of us, the fans, and how we feel today:
Brian Fantana: That was one crazy party. I am hung over.
Champ Kind: I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.
Brick Tamland: I ate a big, red candle.


Ron Burgundy: [sporting an erection after talking to Veronica, addressing the office] Don't act like you're not impressed.

Still looking at the highlight shows to verify things did happen the way I remember this morning. Really, really nice to be on that side of an ass-kicking for a change.

In honor of our favorite team DOMINATING their first preseason game:
Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
Champ Kind: It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy: I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

It did get ugly quick. Offense, defense, and special teams all clicking, looking good. Still have work to do, but loving the first game.

There are lots more Anchorman quotes, and I may come back and revisit as the preseason wears on. Once the regular season starts though, we will need to be more serious.

Maybe the Naked Gun?
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