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2014 Week 12 Redskins @ 49ers


Blognosticator - Nobody

I hate teams with numbers in their name. The 49ers, the 76ers, it’s just stupid and uncreative. I also hate San Francisco. I always have. I don’t know if it stems from Full House being such a terrible show, Rice a Roni only having 2 flavors my entire childhood (dirt and burnt tomato), or the fact they have a Spanish name. This is America - home of beer guts, Kardashian bashing, and football. We don’t need the romance, so eat it you armpit of California.
We never play up to our potential it seems. It’s been a rough couple of decades. But guess what? The Kaepernicks aren’t exactly blazing a path to the land of milk and honey either. Money well spent, we know how it feels.

We beat good teams, and lose to the worst teams the league can throw at us. Luckily for us, these guys are somewhere in between. Maybe we tie. That would be hilarious. A 0-0 tie would be great, we’d finally have a shutout. Obviously a blowout would be fun to see again. So yeah, let’s do that instead. Let’s blow them out and see all of our guys have career days on the same day. 600 yards of offense, a shutout, an embarrassment in not-Candlestick. If nothing else, it would send ESPN into a scramble for some makeshift material to report through their top notch world class analysis.

In reality, who knows what we’ll do. We’ll win big, or we’ll lose big. Or our punter will cost us the game like Chicago’s does for them ;) Is there a way to lose points? Let’s do that too.

We can’t block, we can’t tackle, we can’t cover, and our defensive mastermind has a permanent WTF face that we’re sure to see a half dozen times. Our superstar back is being handcuffed for some unknown reason, and our superstar QB isn’t doing so hot in the pocket. This has all the makings of a pure disaster.

So clearly, past history dictates that we win easily. Let’s roll into the bowl (blatant legal pot reference), and stick it where the sun don’t shine. Up yours Saint Francis Forty Niners, it’s your turn to wonder how the hell you lost that game.

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