dumb moments....

just got off my annual Myrtle Beach golfing venture with Navy buds. been doing this since 1992. anywho...on the way down we always stop off in NC for a practice round. we finish the round. out in the parking lot.....one of the group is looking at a map to figure out directions to the condos in SC. he measures the gap from where we are to where we need to go with his thumb/finger...hoists the gap in the air nd asks: "anyone know how far this is?"

dumb moment of the day that earned special recognition.

have one?

Too many to mention but moving back to the People's Republic of Maryland from Florida is the most obvious.

Elephant said:

Too many to mention but moving back to the People's Republic of Maryland from Florida is the most obvious.

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good call.

My dumb moments are plentiful. So much so that I don't even know where to begin. Most I was a witness to, others I was the culprit.

My all time favorite involving myself was when I was 19 years old and walked 2 miles to 7-11 along a busy road, being honked, hollered and waved at. I thought I was just popular. Come to find out, my junk was hanging out for all the world to see. If I hadn't been stoned off my ass at the time, I might have caught the oversight. A year later, I gave up smoking pot when the exact same thing nearly occurred again.

My favorite involving someone else happened a few days ago at Bottom Dollar (basically a low end Food Lion). I was in line for 10 minutes while the lady in front of me had her 2 cart loads of groceries scanned. A cashier came up and said I can take who's next. I go to walk into her line with my hand basket of 6 items or so, and the lady behind me in line who had a full cart and had walked up only seconds earlier, made a break for it and hit me with her cart to cut me off and get there first. In the process, she tripped herself and hit her face on the handlebar of the cart, busting her nose and making it bleed. She pulled herself up off the floor and had to get a paper towel from the cashier to wipe the blood from her nose and try to stop the flow.

Less than 15 seconds later, another cashier opens up next to us, and I walk over there. Meanwhile, the lady with the bloody nose has had 3/4 of her items scanned when the register she's at dies. She had to reload all of her **** in her cart, and carry her ass to the back of the line I was in, which was now 5 people deep and the only line open at this point. So as I smiled and laughed on my way out, I had just one word for her as she stood at the back of the line bleeding. I looked her right in the face and said "karma." Then I walked away smiling lol.

MikeSr619 said:

im calling bull**** here...correct me if im wrong but would you be with your future wife if you hadnt moved back?

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Maybe it's a wash when you factor in the tax differential in the two states

MikeSr619 said:

im calling bull**** here...correct me if im wrong but would you be with your future wife if you hadnt moved back?

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It is the only reason I am here.

Now, back to the topic at hand...

While driving to the job site years ago with my fellow co-workers, the sun was unusually bright this morning. One of my co-workers spoke up about the sun and said, "Wow! It looks like a great big ball of fire!"

My dumb moments are too numerous to list. I've had a bunch, mostly in the form of brain-farts.

MikeSr619 said:

Once when I was on a carrier we were taxing our bird to be tied down at the bow of the ship. so im throwing the chocks under the left side wheel when i stood up directly in to the exhaust which was still going strong and it started to blow me backwards. so im leaning back and thinking im just going to fall in to the ocean so i kick my legs out from under me and now im on the round-down scrambling not to fall down the front of the ship and get ran over.

well obviously i couldnt do anything in gloves so i fell....about 4 inches in to the net. everyone was laughing their asses off at me as i took about a half a step to get back on to the deck.

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Lol, that story is so great. I laughed my ass off reading it, especially because of a story my dad told me once that was similar....

When my dad was about 8 years old, his father had just gotten back from a tour in Vietnam (Navy). When their unit arrived back in the states, they had a big family day on one of the carriers, and everyone was allowed to see all the different places on the carrier.

My dad said the insane size of the carrier just floored him. He said when you looked down at the water, it was like looking down from a skyscraper. Later on in the day, he was on deck eating a hot dog, with the water to his back. He said he felt the back of his heel slip downward, and he threw his hotdog, flailed his arms and screamed like a little bitch as he fell backwards, expecting to fall into the water and die. Imagine his surprise when the reality hit that he had just stepped into a divot for a tow line

He said it was easily the funniest, scariest and most embarrassing experience of his life.

Lanky Livingston said:

My dumb moments are too numerous to list. I've had a bunch, mostly in the form of brain-farts.

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I have witnessed so many brain fart d'oh moments I could write a book. For example.....

My old boss called me in on a Sunday to help him fix his aerator. He said he had been working on it for several hours and couldn't figure out why it wouldn't start. I show up, and it is completely dismantled. He took out the engine, the carburetor, the fuel lines, literally gutted and cleaned the entire thing, put it back together, then took it apart again when it still wouldn't work. So here it was, in a million pieces, and my job was to try and figure out which part was the faulty part.

I noticed the problem immediately, but rather than point it out, I figured I'd have some fun at his expense. I said uh, huh, I have a hunch - then I started to put it all back together. When i was finished, he asked me what the hell I was going to accomplish by rebuilding it without changing anything. It was at that point that I flipped the switch into the RUN position and said go ahead old man, give it a try, something tells me we've got this thing licked.

I fell to the ground beet red and laughing hysterically while he shook his head in disbelief and nearly cried before he started laughing too. This poor bastard was 78 years old at the time, and had worked on this damn thing for 5-6 hours, completely wearing himself out. All because he didn't turn it on and hadn't used it in so long that it never occured to him.

Don't know if this comes under the dumb moments, but I've been having some issues with my bum knee. I've been wearing a heavy duty brace with hinged supports to keep it stable while working.

Normally when swinging a leg over a bike, my knee would be bent, but with the brace it's awkward so my leg is fairly straight, and as I went to mount the bike my coworker was a bit too close to the back of the bike.

WHAMOOOO ! Right foot to coworkers left nad....

Poor bastage was doubled over for about 5 minutes.

Extreme said:

I have witnessed so many brain fart d'oh moments I could write a book. For example.....

My old boss called me in on a Sunday to help him fix his aerator. He said he had been working on it for several hours and couldn't figure out why it wouldn't start. I show up, and it is completely dismantled. He took out the engine, the carburetor, the fuel lines, literally gutted and cleaned the entire thing, put it back together, then took it apart again when it still wouldn't work. So here it was, in a million pieces, and my job was to try and figure out which part was the faulty part.

I noticed the problem immediately, but rather than point it out, I figured I'd have some fun at his expense. I said uh, huh, I have a hunch - then I started to put it all back together. When i was finished, he asked me what the hell I was going to accomplish by rebuilding it without changing anything. It was at that point that I flipped the switch into the RUN position and said go ahead old man, give it a try, something tells me we've got this thing licked.

I fell to the ground beet red and laughing hysterically while he shook his head in disbelief and nearly cried before he started laughing too. This poor bastard was 78 years old at the time, and had worked on this damn thing for 5-6 hours, completely wearing himself out. All because he didn't turn it on and hadn't used it in so long that it never occured to him.

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You would be amazed how many service calls we get where people forget to turn on the fuel, or the kill switch. Even had a guy come in and complain after I put tires on his bike because there was a little blue light lit on the dashboard he had never seen before. I walked out to the bike, and switched off the high beams....

My brother in law and all his buddies were stumped when I got the call his Honda 750 would stall the second you put in gear. I went over, started the bike and rode off to the amazement of the group. Rolled back in, and parked it. Then my brother in law gives it a try, and it stalls the instant he puts it in gear. I heard all the "I've been riding since.." from more then one of them, but I did the magic trick again and rode the bike away. Then I showed them the little switch on the side stand that kills the engine if you put it in gear while the stand is down. They quickly learned you need to kick the stand up before putting it in gear.....

MikeSr619 said:

I once took my fuel pump out of my old car, changed the battery and alternator because it wouldnt run. my friend comes home fromw work, im covered in grease and cursing in every language i know and he finds the problem in 2 seconds. Turned out the fuse was bad...

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Nice. Done that one myself one time.

Extreme said:

Nice. Done that one myself one time.

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You two are what we call job security... LOL

Even the best of us have those moments, trust me. I chased a dead short on a Ducati not long ago. It was blowing the main 40amp fuse the second you hit the starter button. All the lights worked, but the fuse controlled the ignition and starting circuits.

After an hour of picking and polking I saw something that just didn't look right. Twenty inches from my face as I worked the entire time was the battery staring back at me.... trying to tell me something, but it took a long time to realize the customer hooked up the battery backwards.

I am too intelligent to have a dumb moment. Please do not look at previous posts to prove me wrong!

the Omniscient said:

I am too intelligent to have a dumb moment. Please do not look at previous posts to prove me wrong!

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It's ok, I just looked to this current post