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If Robert Griffin's the love-of-my-life soulmate I brought home to meet my parents, that must make Kirk Cousins the hot chick I know I shouldn't want, but can't help fantasizing about.
I mean, he's that dreamy, right?
Setting the homo-erotic undertones aside momentarily, what on Earth are the Washington Redskins to do with the hot hunka quarterbacking love they've got in Kirk Cousins?
When the Redskins drafted Cousins in the 4th round of the 2012 Draft, you know, 3 rounds after they'd emptied the draft pick coffers to snatch their franchise QB of the future, analysts mocked the move. Even most Redskins fans (minus this one, of course) chastised the Redskins brain trust for wasting an admittedly precious draft pick. Sure, most sports talking heads confessed, Cousins was a solid college QB, having lead Michigan State to a Big 10 Championship and 4 successive wins against their dread rival Michigan. Many even characterized Cousins a 4th round steal. But generally speaking, most pundits viewed his selection by the Redskins as a laughable mistake. It didn't matter that Cousins held the record for most wins (26 of them) as a Michigan State starter. It didn't matter that he was off-the-charts smart graduating with a 3.68 GPA. It didn't matter that he'd excelled in a pro-style offense. Cousins was just another dumb pick by the Washington Redskins.
But they hadn't seen scorchingly hot Kirk Cousins in action yet.
Still giddy with post-draft glee, critics never imagined that super rookie Griffin might not make it through his first season intact. Cousins impressed in pre-season action, particularly an eye-catching 3 touchdown 4th quarter comeback against the Bears. He was so solid, he unseated the Dragon himself and entered the season solidly entrenched as Griffin's backup. But it wasn't until week 5 of the 2012 season in Atlanta that we got our first good look at Cousins. When RG3 went down and out with a concussion, Cousins came in to throw a 77 yard scoring pass to Santana Moss. He also threw 2 interceptions in desperation time of that losing effort, but his confidence and poise were immediately obvious.
Cousins got another chance to show his stuff in Week 14. When Griffin left the game against the Baltimore Ravens with a knee injury, Cousins lead a game-tying drive, tossing a dart to Pierre Garcon for 6, then running it in for the 2 point conversion to force overtime and an eventual Redskins win. Starting his first NFL game under center the next week, Cousins shone, earning NFL Rookie of the Week honors for his 329 yard, 2 touchdown, game winning performance against the Browns.
Turns out Kirk Cousins wasn't just easier on the eyes than Sexy Rexy - the kid could play.
It was about this time that the criticism over the Redskins draft day decisions began to dwindle. Maybe Shanahan, Allen, and company knew what they were doing after all?
Cousins final 2012 appearance came too late for this fan's liking. Subbing for a mortally hobbled Griffin in the playoff battle with the Seahawks, Cousins was too little too late, ultimately unable to overcome Seattle's momentum. When post-playoff clarity revealed the extent of RG3's injuries, the 2nd catastrophic knee injury of his career, suddenly Cousins heady and solid play took on added relevance.
The Redskins might need more than Kirk's charm and dreamy blue eyes before all was said and done.
Fast forward to today. ACL repair behind him, Superman has once again donned his cape and appears every bit the physical freak of nature he was in 2012. RG3 is back, and it's clearly time to put thoughts of 'that other hot chick' away.
Or is it?
The wannabe GM's among us know exactly what the Redskins need to do. It's time, they argue, to get Kirk to the beauty parlor. Get those golden locks trimmed, conditioned, and styled. Hire a makeup artist, and squeeze him into that hot little black cocktail dress. Maybe get him a voice coach and hone up his interviewing skills. Because he's a hot little property other teams just can't wait to take home with them.
And they'll pay, won't they? Teams like the Jets and Bills, even the Raiders, Titans, and Vikings, should be willing to pony up and pay big-time to acquire the rights to the Redskins dreamboy. He'd be an immediate upgrade under center for every one of those teams. A first rounder, maybe another pick thrown in to sweeten the pot. It could probably be done. And some think it should be done. Griffin is back and pretty boy Cousins is a luxury we can do without.
But just as conventional wisdom about the folly of acquiring Cousins was wrong, so too is the call to sell him to the highest bidder.
And all you have to do to see it is look in the rearview mirror. Without Cousins clutch game-winning efforts against the Browns and Ravens last year, the Redskins not only don't win the NFC East, they don't even make the playoffs.
Kirk Cousins is money and no one with a brain throws money away, not even for the promise of more money. And no matter how high our confidence that Griffin is back and will be his normal paradigm-shifting freak of nature self in 2013 and beyond, we can't know that with any degree of certainty. Kirk Cousins isn't just one gorgeous man, he's one helluva insurance policy.
I like insurance. It makes me feel safe. And both Mike and Kyle Shanahan and Redskins fans will sleep better at night knowing we gots it.
Kirk Cousins is an NFL starter. He's sexy and he knows it. He's a future star. Someday, somewhere, he'll get the chance to prove it. But for right now, he's in the 2nd year of a four year commitment. He's our backup quarterback.
And he's not going anywhere.
