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Cake or Death?

Bold Predictions

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It's never too early to make Bold Predictions.

OK, maybe, just maybe, three games in is a little early, but whatever. This is a message board, dammit! There's no room for logic or reason here.

So without further ado, based on the oh-so reasonable sample size of three games, here are my bold predictions for the rest of the season:

1) The Anti-Chr... er, Rex Grossman will be riding the pine come Week 6 in Philly. I have defended Rex, but his trajectory is definitely headed the wrong direction. He needs a solid to very good showing against the Rams to restore some confidence in him. If he follows this poor performance against Dallas with a stinker against the Rams, the temptation for the coaching staff to make a change during the bye week may be too great to overcome.

At the end of training camp, the staff must have figured that Rex's average would be better than Beck's average. The problem is that Rex is playing below his ceiling for average (if that makes sense) right now. Given all the noise in the off season that Kyle and Mike made, figuring they might want to give Beck a shot isn't too much of a stretch. Rex is capable of playing much better, and has played much better in the past; but he has to be consistent (even consistently average will work) for this team to win.

2) If Brandon Banks keeps running the ball out of the endzone resulting in possessions starting at the 15 instead of the 20, Shanahan will kill Banks and Danny Smith, and frame it as a murder/suicide.

3) Roy Helu will be the starting running back no later than Week 8. We all loved Hightower in the preseason and with good reason. He runs hard, with authority, making one cut and going. But he is not elusive. The line simply isn't getting enough push right now to provide the gaping holes a back like Hightower needs. The team is desperate for some yards in space opportunities, and Helu provides more chances for those than Hightower at this point.

4) Jim Haslett snaps under the pressure, and does this instead of actually coaching.

5) After struggling with Sam Bradford, LaRon Landry makes life difficult for Michael Vick and Cam Newton in back to back weeks, then struggles with Ryan Fitzpatrick. Fitzpatrick's accuracy is going to be difficult for our defense to handle in general, and the Bills weapons will spread our D out more than they can handle. The Eagles and Panthers? Not as much of a problem however.

All this means that I see the Redskins sitting pretty at 5-3 at the halfway point in the season, in good position to improve and grow even more in the second half, and always on the cusp of the playoff chase.

A few more bonus predictions: Hank starts getting serious playing time after the bye (as does Austin), the Catholic Church beatifies Tony Romo (hereafterknown as St. TonyRomo) for his miraculous self-healing powers, ESPN creates a documentary on that entire process that Jon Gruden watches on a continuous loop in a dark room, Armstrong gets benched for the aforementioned Hank/Austin playing time, and Haynesworth records his first sack in week 10. Of next year. While playing for Ryman's team in Canada.


  1. McD5's Avatar
    Fantastic article. But I have to throw something in on point 1: Rex Grossman will be riding the pine come Week 6 in Philly.

    Now, I don't disagree that Rex should be riding the pine, but Shanahan has painted himself into a corner with the qb situation. Remember when he put his reputation on the line that either of these qbs could succeed? Well, what if Rex blows, and then Beck also blows?

    Then he would run the risk of being exposed as another once-successful DC coach who has seen the game pass him by.
  2. Goaldeje's Avatar
    I think Beck would be able to come in for a few games and provide something new for defenses to worry about, giving us the edge for 2-3 games. The natural time to do this woul dbe in the second half of the season when the schedule gets tough, but really the best time is during the bye.

    Shanahan will pull the trigger at some point soon if Rex doesn't even out, and do so in a positive way. He admitted his mistake with McNabb quickly, and will do so with Rex if need be. I think he realizes the fans will give him until after this next off season to get a QB. If he craps out at that, watch out.


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