Bring Me the Head of Colin Cowherd
No need for a restraining order Mr. Cowherd, we’re just having a little fun today.
I tuned into ESPN Radio enroute to lunch today and couldn’t help but hear your bold prognostications regarding which teams would be ‘over’ or ‘under’ a given win total for the 2012 NFL season. And what you had to say, frankly, had me wanting to shove the Taco Bell combo I’d just purchased right down your throat. If I’m being honest, given the opportunity, I might even have squirted a couple packets of hot sauce in your eyes for good measure.
The Giants? Cowboys? Eagles? Juggernauts all in your unbiased and objective assessment. We all get the Giants prediction. It’s hard (yeah, even for this opposing ‘fan’) to dispute your ranking the reigning Super Bowl champs so highly. I’ll sign off on the theory, until proven otherwise or convincingly dethroned from NFC East hegemony, the Giants are king. But your basis for rating the Eagles and Cowboys right up there in the ‘highly competitive’ strata along with the champs made me want to get back in the drive through and buy another combo for you.
The Eagles, or so you claim, played as well as anyone to close out the 2011 season (don’t they always, as soon as there’s absolutely nothing riding on the games or rumblings about Andy Reid’s job security begin?). Why not just anoint them the Dream Team while you’re at it? And Dallas? The only thing holding Dallas back from glory in 2011, according to you, was a horrible secondary, hence fixed. Oh Colin. Haven’t you learned by now? The curse of Romo is real and it’s spectacular. If ever there was a ‘star’ destined never to win **** when it counted, Romo is that guy. Romo? He’s Molly Ringwald, not Meryl Streep. Sure, he looked fantastic in ‘Sixteen Candles ’, but he’ll never carry a real movie, and when all is said and done he simply can’t act. In 5 years, he’ll be making bad television too.
I’ll give you credit Colin. Most times, you guys at ESPN forget to even mention the Redskins when doing your NFC East ‘analysis’. But not you – in your thoroughness and commitment to inclusion, you remembered that there are actually four teams in the conference. At 6.5 wins for 2012, you’re betting ‘under’ for my Redskins. Yeah – I said ‘my Redskins’ – just to be transparent. I’m a fan of more than 40 years. You may have sensed this? Contrary to your on-air dismissal of fans and their absolute inability to muster up an objective assessment of their team’s chances, I’ll posit an alternative fan viewpoint. We know our team one hell of a lot better than you media talking heads do. No offense. You’re a smart, capable broadcaster. But no one knows an NFL franchise like the fans who eat, sleep, and breathe their team.
A Skins fan (we’re everywhere brother) was among the first to call you today. He tried to educate you, but you dismissed him. ‘You’re a fan’ you said. You should’ve let him talk. Then I wouldn’t have had to write this blog entry. In the blink of an eye, you dismissed the massive upgrade RG3 represents over Rex ‘**** it – I’m going deep!’ Grossman. In fact, you argued that, right now, Grossman is the superior QB, while simultaneously stating Andrew Luck is already better than 10 current NFL starters. When challenged on that obvious inconsistency, you pointed to the Colts weak division and schedule as the reason why Indy would win plenty of games, but the Redskins couldn’t possibly surpass 6 wins in 2012. Huh??? You even uttered the words that should never be spoken: ’Well, Grossman did take the Bears to a Super Bowl’. Good Lord man - why not just summon up Voldemort while you’re at it?
Given the chance, that polite and thoughtful Redskins fan on your call-in would’ve no doubt reminded you about the upgrades to our receiving corps, the additions of Pierre Garcon, Josh Morgan, and the return of Leonard Hankerson and Chris Cooley. He’d have mentioned our opportunistic and improving defense, and the number of close, competitive games we lost in 2012 despite ‘Bad Rex’ showing up at the worst possible moments, or because his good buddy whats-his-name was subbing. He’d have told you that, even with a patchwork no-name offensive line, we ran the ball down a lot of good defense’s throats last year, and have an up and coming stable of running backs that will take pressure off our rookie QB while he learns to play the NFL game. He might even have reminded you that neither Steve Spurrier nor Jim Zorn occupy the Head Coach’s office these days, and Vinny Cerrato is no longer giving picks away in between racquetball matches like candy corn at Halloween.
In today’s NFL, trying to predict anything with any certainty is high-risk low-reward. I don’t know with any certainty how many games my team, or any other team, will win in 2012. And neither do you. The only thing I do know is that your certain dismissal of my Redskins chances this coming year is the same ‘easy out’ sports journalists have been taking for years. Daniel Snyder is an ass and the Redskins aren’t relevant in the NFC East. It’s that simple, right?
The Redskins will win at least 8 games in 2012, but that kind of prediction is small potatoes, so let me throw one out there that will really rock your paradigm. The pecking order in the NFC East is about to dramatically change, in the words of George Walker Bush…
The Redskins aren’t just returning this franchise to respectability and relevance. They’re going to dominate the NFC East for the next decade.
I still love you Colin, despite your ruining today’s run for the border. That’s why I’m saving you a seat on the bandwagon, right next to me