'Twas The Night Before Training Camp
'Twas the night before training camp, when all through the land,
Not a player was clubbing, except maybe PacMan;
The helmets were hung in the clubhouse with care,
In hopes that the season soon would be there;
The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Lombardi danced in their heads;
And coach and his flattop, all gelled up and damp,
Had better hunker down for a long summer's camp;
And out on the net, there's no end to the chatter,
Reporters spread lies, and players get madder;
The offseason's come and gone like a flash,
Now it's time for free agents to earn all that cash.
Old contracts expire, so the players must show
Whether they're going to win, or whether they're going to go.
And when the training's all done, a team will appear,
Chiseled and powerful and amped to strike fear;
The offense is healthy, so lively and quick,
The defense is nasty, and so freaking sick;
More rabid than pit bulls, from Ashburn they came,
And to their opponents, they called them by name;
"Hey, Cowboys! Hey, Eagles! Hey, Giants and Cards!
The East goes through us, this division is ours!
To the top of the conference, to the top of the wall!
We're not gonna stop, until all of you fall!"
As dry leaves that before the autumn sun die,
So shall the opponents, front of millions of eyes;
First comes the training, all of them knew,
With a team full of rookies, and some older vets too;
But in about a month, we'll see on TV,
The proud sons of Washington, in their burgundy;
We draw in our breaths, the time's come around,
They storm from that tunnel, then the deafening sound.
They're all dressed for battle, from their heads to their feet,
And no one in the stadium is still in their seat;
High-fives and chest bumps and slaps on the back,
Howling like wolves in a blood thirsty pack.
Their eyes - so intense! Their faces - so scary!
They aim to cause pain, the other team should be wary;
The stadium shakes, the intensity grows,
As 90,000+ all get ready for a show.
The mouth pieces chewed up so tight in their teeth,
With their hearts pounding violently in their pads underneath;
The crowd is erupting, all beholding the sight,
Of 53 men, all prepared for a fight;
Some are massively large, over 300 pounds,
Others reportedly move faster than sound;
A purpose in their eyes, and helmets on their heads,
The other team has every bit of reason to dread;
No more time for talking, it's time to go to work,
The players line up, the coach starts to smirk.
The referee raises the metal to his mouth,
And giving one final nod, he points his arm south;
As we sprang to our feet, to the world came a whistle,
And away they all flew down the field like a missile.
As the chaos ensued, I took a sip from my beer,
And thanked the Good Lord, that football season was here.